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5 Ways you're sabotaging your marriage and how to change

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Like the animals, God gave us a special someone to spend our lives with - but many people are slowly sabotaging our relationships without even realizing it!


Catholic Online (
11/14/2016 (7 years ago)

Published in Marriage & Family

Keywords: Marriage, men, women, husband, wife

LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - "Marriage must be honoured by all..." - Hebrews 13:4.

The sanctity of marriage is indisputable yet many are led astray.

Sometimes relationships tear apart after many small things come together to form an eruption of frustration, insecurity and resentment.

So how can you keep destruction at bay?

It's important to stop the five following five methods of relational sabotage and time to work on keeping you and your partner happily joined.

1. Selfish Behavior

It's easy to remember to do the laundry when you have something to wear but how often do you take your spouse's clothing into consideration?

After eating dinner, do you throw your plate in the sink when you could spare your spouse a moment of frustrating scraping by simply rinsing it and putting it in the dishwasher?

These little things add up to form arguments despite the ease with which they can be avoided.

The next time you do something lazy, like throwing your clothes on the floor instead of the laundry basket, consider whether a dirty room bothers your spouse. Take an extra moment to do something nice for your spouse and every day try to ask yourself how you can be more selfless in your relationship.

Your spouse will definitely appreciate the kindness and will likely respond with similar behaviors!

2. Complaining

Complaining never once helped anyone achieve anything.

It often leads to frustration and no one wants to be around a complainer. If something is wrong, whether it be in your relationship, at work, with another person or with a situation, take action!

Don't be afraid to tackle the problem head-on!

If your spouse is doing something you don't like, take a moment to talk to them from a place of love. Explain how you feel when they do whatever it is they do and ask them to understand where you're coming from before asking them to stop that behavior.

Your spouse is your best friend. You should be able to clearly communicate, especially if something is bothering you.

Be an adult, respect your spouse and respect yourself by talking it through, rather than complaining.

Expecting More Than You Give

A relationship is give-and-take.

The idea is a simple one: Both spouses give to the other in a never ending parade of kind gestures, loving words, acts of kindness and compassion for one another.

Think about your relationship and ask yourself how often you give and how often you take. Do you rely on your spouse to do the less savory chores every time?

Do you ignore them when they struggle or tell them to figure it out for themselves?

If this sounds like you, you may be more of a taker than a giver. It's important to keep our spouses happy and part of that happiness stems from showing them you care.

The next time you have a chance, do something special for your spouse. Even if it's something small, like making them breakfast in bed one morning or volunteering to take the kids out so they can have a boy's or girl's night, they'll appreciate it and your relationship will be stronger for your efforts.

Forgetting to Love

Many couples marry and the honeymoon phase is over as soon as they have children.

Suddenly, caring for a child takes precedence and your spouse is left all but forgotten.

Don't forget to show your spouse you love them. Even when you're busy with a new job, a growing family, volunteer work or if you're just plain tired after a long day, take a moment to share your love with your spouse.

It can be something simple like verbally telling them how much you appreciate them, or extravagant. Either way, never forget to show your spouse you're still in love with them.

Put the Kids First

Children are a handful, especially if you have one with special needs or have several in your home.

Regardless of how important it is to raise children, it is equally important to keep your relationship with your spouse strong.

Too often you hear of couples losing themselves in their pursuits of raising children. Then, once the kids are grown and out of the home, the couples don't know what they have in common anymore.

Who are they to one another? How did they lose themselves in their children?

Never stop learning about your spouse. Never put their needs aside in favor of your childrens' wants. Take time to date your spouse and to spend alone time.

Have conversations, debates, dates, laugh, love and try new things together.

One of the best ways to sabotage your relationship is to take it for granted, so make sure to avoid these five fatal mistakes.

What are you waiting for? Go up to your spouse, apologize for being selfish and for pulling away, then build a stronger relationship!

Thanks for taking time to read our list.

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