Thanks for being my friend

On the other hand, there was always the secret hope that one of the cute girls in class might slip you a Valentine. After all, you didn't want that time in front of the mirror, combing your hair just so, to go for naught.

A few years ago I read about a second-grade teacher who wanted to play down some of this "what if I don't get a Valentine" anxiety by using Valentine's Day as an opportunity to teach her students about the value of friendship. The teacher asked her class to pick a friend and send him or her not a Valentine, but a note that said, "Thanks for the being my friend." She felt that children should be reminded that the love between friends grows and stays strong by being nurtured and not taken for granted.

What a great lesson to learn at an early age! Among the great gifts of my life are my friends. Yet as much as I value them, sometimes I forget to tell my friends how important they are to me, and I have to remind myself to write a note or make a call and keep those friendships strong.

When I've had tough decisions to make, I turn to friends for their counsel or simply to discuss things. When I've received good or bad news, I've sought out my friends to celebrate with me or to seek their support. When I want to "just talk," I call a friend.

Good friends don't judge, they listen. Good friends will give advice if asked or talk tough when they think we have made - or are about to make - the wrong choice. In my own case, my friends have always been there for me and I cannot imagine how stressful and lonely life would be without them.

We occasionally hear stories about friendship being played out through dramatic organ donations or other life-saving situations, but friendship thrives mostly in everyday e-mails or phone calls, or in meeting for a cup of coffee. It's about staying in touch and listening as much as talking. It's also about our being there when our friends need us.

Friendship is never a one-way street. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "The only way to have a friend is to be one." If we expect our friends to be there for us then we need to return that favor. Some would call that "paying back" for the time they share.

Friendship isn't a numbers game. Some people find their strength in just a few friends while others like to have many. What counts is the quality of friends we have and the quality of friendship we share.

I'm not suggesting that Valentine's Day be replaced, but I think that teacher had a good point. We keep our friendships strong by nurturing them, and we can do that by taking the time to write a note or make a call thanking someone for the gift of their friendship. And we can also thank God for the gift of loving friends.

- - -

Dennis Heaney is president is The Christophers.

- - -

For a free copy of the Christopher News Note: "Sau it with love," write to: The Christophers, 12 East 48th St., New York, N.Y. 10017; or e-mail: mail@christophers.org.

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