Testimony: From Darkness to Light - Discovering God's Plan for Marriage

God, the Author of Marriage, is the source of all the grace needed for married couples who give their lives to Him

Greg's response: "I think we need to pray."  He dropped to his knees and I quickly followed. We held hands, closed our eyes, and I listened to Greg pray aloud. "If you deliver us from this evil, we will dedicate the rest of our lives working in some type of marriage or family ministry."

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS (Catholic Online) - We had it all - nice-paying jobs, a beautiful home, two decent cars, a lot of "friends" and two wonderful children.  But we were so busy becoming successful that we had no time for more children--or each other.  We thought we were on the fast track for success, but in reality we were on the fast track headed for a marital train wreck!

Being "Catholic" to us meant going to our parish church on Sundays and participating in Mass or other services without knowing the teachings of the Church.  Frankly, we had no idea of the importance of our Faith, or its history.  Our life was lived based on things we thought were important; and most were all measured by the standards of our secular society.  It did not take long for this selfish mentality to creep into the core of our lives, and the heart of our marriage.

For example, we had made the uninformed decision to halt any possibility of bringing more children into this world.  After our second child was born, our doctor advised us that Greg might want to get a vasectomy, or I might want to get my tubes tied, to avoid the complications additional children would add to our already stressed lives.

Being ignorant of what the Church teaches on the subject, Greg chose the vasectomy. The decision was made out of pure selfishness, and both of us agreed to it.  We thought this procedure was "the" answer to the question of how we'd be able to fill our life with all kinds of excitement without the burden of raising more children.  But the vasectomy had the opposite effect. Within a very short time our marriage went from shallow to distant, and we began to resent the promises we made to each other at our wedding.

We were so confused. How could we go from a husband and wife who had pledged their total love and fidelity to one another to a couple unable to be in the same house at the same time? As our marriage and family life were dying, both our careers and egos were growing. Making money became the source of escape, and time spent together was almost non-existent.  Finding interest in other things--and eventually other people--led us to the point where we knew divorce was our only option.

Although we were in a deep pit of darkness, somehow we knew we couldn't end our marriage without at least trying one time to make it work.  That's when we made the "911" call to our parish priest, who invited us to come visit him.  Immediately we blurted out, "Father, our marriage is in trouble, what are you going to do about it?" 

In response, he asked if saving our marriage was something we both wanted.  Our response was: "Not this marriage, no thank you."  He did not know what to do with us.  But we did leave with the business card of a Catholic-Christian counselor.  We thought seeing him would be an exercise in futility, but decided to do so as a last-ditch effort. In our first meeting we basically received a $100 history lesson about how our marriage was like the Civil War. 

The therapist explained that Greg was like the "North" and I was like the "South." It was expected for us not see eye-to-eye on everything.  "You need to realize that maybe you were not meant to be together anyway," he explained.  At last we had our answer, we thought. We had each married the wrong person, and it was time to end this charade of a marriage.

When the time came to inform the children of our decision to divorce, we called them into the living room.  Christopher was 9, and Lauren was 8.  "Hey guys, we just wanted to let you know that sometimes moms and dads are not meant to be together," we told them matter-of-factly.  "We argue like brothers and sisters, and at times cannot work things out.  We are going to get a divorce." 

They responded to our news by crying their eyes out while holding one another, their bodies shaking as their entire world fell apart.  We justified our position telling them that they would be okay.  "Things would be fine," we reassured them, adding that we could send them to counseling if they needed us to do so.

Not long after this announcement, God in His infinite wisdom sent a special "visiting" priest into our lives.  (He had been sent to our parish just for the summer to temporarily take over our priest's duties.) To sum up, this new priest was "incredible."  He was such an excellent teacher of the Faith, and his homilies ignited our hearts with the fire of God's love. After each Mass, we couldn't wait to go back the next Sunday to hear what else Father had to say.

In our desire to get to know this priest, every Sunday we began to routinely hang out at the church in between Masses to engage him in conversation.  Eventually we found out he was the Tribunal Vicar for the diocese, and if we knew nothing else about our Faith, we knew he was the guy that did "that annulment thing."  We thought God was so "awesome" to send us this special priest to help us get out of our marriage.  But as we were soon to find out, our assumptions were 180 degrees away from the truth! 

Eager to get our divorce moving forward, we made an appointment to visit with him. The poor guy had to listen to 45 minutes of things he probably did not care to hear; the standard "he did this, she did that" finger-pointing game.  We told him how miserable we were, and how we had come to ask for his help to get out of our marriage.  "We need to get a divorce" was our key sum-up message to him.

The priest patiently sat back and listened to every word uttered from our mouths. Once we quit talking, he sat forward and said: "I understand your plight and your situation, but let me ask you a few questions.  What is God's plan for marriage? What does our Church teach about the Sacrament of Marriage? What are some of the writings of Saint Paul and the various Holy Fathers dealing with marriage?"

Shrugging our shoulders, we responded sheepishly and with more than a tinge of annoyance.  "We don't know, Father..Besides, what does all this have to do with us or our marriage?"

"Ah, precisely!"  he answered. "Before you come to any further conclusions, I suggest that you go back and find the answers to these questions that I have asked you."  This is the moment when our marriage and our life began anew.

We did as he asked. We began to read the Bible and thumb through the Catechism of the Catholic Church for the first time, and looked up information on the Internet. And our eyes were opened like never before..We discovered papal encyclicals and truths about God having a plan and a purpose for our marriage that put a new perspective on everything.  Then, as we participated more fully with God in His sacraments, we opened up more the pipeline of grace available to us via those sacraments and began to see things in a different light. Our once doomed marriage became one full of hope.

We felt a new, strong desire to soak up any and all information we could about this Faith we shared but, frankly, really knew nothing about.  I recall telling Greg, "This is great stuff and it all sounds good, but what do we do with it?" Greg's response: "I think we need to pray."  He dropped to his knees and I quickly followed. We held hands, closed our eyes, and I listened to Greg pray aloud. 

He told our Heavenly Father how we had tried to live our lives the way we thought we should, and how society said we should-and that neither path had worked.  "We sincerely ask You to come into our lives and show us how You want us to live this thing called marriage," he continued.  "If you deliver us from this evil, we will dedicate the rest of our lives working in some type of marriage or family ministry."

With all of this newfound joy we kept feeling the tug at our hearts to go deeper into our Faith.  That took us to a conference where God's plan for chastity in marriage was discussed opened up new concerns about Greg's vasectomy.  After Christopher West shared his insights on the "Theology of the Body," we had heavy hearts; we realized we had cut off the very avenue in which God infuses His life and love into a marriage.

But once again, God opened doors.  He led us to a doctor who reversed our mistake and made Greg feel whole again.  Our desire was to do whatever God had called us to do. 

Eventually we quit our jobs and dedicated our lives to proclaiming the beauty, goodness and truth of marriage. God has blessed us with five more babies, so at this point we have seven children.

The Alexander House Apostolate was built upon the simple fact that Greg and I wanted to assist other couples in discovering the treasure we have uncovered.  Ultimately, the goal of this organization is to bring souls to Christ.  The strengthening of marriages and the repair of families is the fuel that keeps it all going.  Over the years, thousands of couples have received many blessings by participating in the marriage coaching, marriage workshops, and parish-based Covenant of Love program offered through The Alexander House Apostolate.

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To read more about our marriage transformation and flourishing national ministry, please read our newly released book Marriage 911: How God Saved Our Marriage (and Can Save Yours, Too!) published by Servant Books.  Contact us to order individual or bulk copies.

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