In wake of tragedy of loss, support can comfort those left with grief

COLCHESTER, Vt. (Catholic Online) - News of the horrible mass murder at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Va., on April 16 sent a sense of shock and grief that extends from those that were closest to the victims to strangers throughout the world.

During these first days after the horrific event, there has been a tremendous outpouring of support, kindness and empathy to the those that knew the victims and to the college community, For the families of the departed, routine everyday schedules have been replaced with taking care of the many details related to the wake and funeral of their loved ones. For each of these families and for any families who lose a close loved one, there is the obituary to write, the meeting with the undertaker about funeral arrangements and meeting with religious clergy to make choices about scripture readings, music and time of the service/Mass. These tasks fill the mind and keep the body busy, not leaving much time for people to feel the pain of their loss. During this hectic time, the church provides support through her priests, ministers and congregation through prayers offered and rituals performed at the funeral and burial services. But after the funeral and after the support that was so readily available dwindles, the return to a normal routine brings the challenge of dealing with the reality that this person is dead. There will be no more calls from the loved one, no more birthday celebrations, no more sharing of life and no more hugs. The disposition of the body will take days, but working through the stages of grief will probably takes months and sometimes years. Since this loss of a loved one is something we all share, there are many resources that have been created to help people deal with loss and the excruciating pain of grief: - The church offers support from clergy, ministers, the sacraments, the scriptures.
- The use of prayer and meditation can be a way to keep in close contact spiritually with God. There are grief meditation books available, such as, Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha W. Hickman.
- There are books that discuss the various stages of grief, such as On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
- There may be local support groups that focus on grief and could be found online or through the parish.
- Since depression may occur as an aftereffect of loss, counseling sessions may be helpful. This is especially true for people that have gone through the same trauma as the departed, like some of the students at Virginia Tech.
- Friends can be very helpful taking care of the most painful tasks, such as dispersing the belongings. Not only are families of the departed at a loss of what to do and how to go through the grieving process, but friends, neighbors and extended family might be at a loss concerning how they could show their concern and condolences. For those who want to reach out to actively do something to help the family or friends, they could: - Have a Mass said in the victims memory.
- Just listen to the stories, pain and thoughts a person might want to share,
- Give a book of meditations.
- Give plants, flower seeds to be planted in the victim's memory.
- Give a blank journal for family members and friends to write memories in.
- Give a CD with peaceful music.
- Send over a meal, or invite people over for a meal.
- Offer to take a walk or go for a drive as a change of scenery.
- Offer to do a chore like shopping or raking the yard.
- Give any special photos of the person that passed away.
- Write a special memory or story about the person as a reminder of what the person was like.
- Give a quick phone call, which can sometimes brighten a blue day.
- Send a bouquet of flowers. If is normal to feel sadness and cry a lot of tears during the grieving process, no matter how long that might be. And people can remember to reach out and ask for help so they do not have to be alone. "Where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them" (Mt. 18:20). - - - Mary Carty is the Home and Family editor at Catholic Online.

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