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MTV's 'No Easy Decision' gives Living Siblings 'No Chance to Decide' for Life

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By Theresa Bonopartis
1/8/2011 (8 years ago)
Catholic Online (https://www.catholic.org)

Recently MTV aired the show 'No Easy Decision'

In March of last year, along with Rev Mariusz Koch, CFR of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, Lumina held our first "Entering Canaan" retreat day for siblings of aborted babies. Men and women who were suffering greatly because of the loss of a sibling to abortion traveled from around the country to participate in the day.

Recently, MTV aired the show 'No Easy Decision', in which prior '16 and Pregnant' alumni Markai and her boyfriend James decide to terminate a second unintended pregnancy.

Recently, MTV aired the show "No Easy Decision", in which prior "16 and Pregnant" alumni Markai and her boyfriend James decide to terminate a second unintended pregnancy.

Highlights

By Theresa Bonopartis
Catholic Online (https://www.catholic.org)
1/8/2011 (8 years ago)

Published in TV

Keywords: abortion, post-abortive, Lumina. Teresa Bonopartis, entering canaan


P>BRONX, NY (Catholic Online) - Recently, MTV aired the show "No Easy Decision", in which prior "16 and Pregnant" alumni Markai and her boyfriend James decide to terminate a second unintended pregnancy.

Markai and James said they made the decision to abort because they felt they would not have been able to give their daughter Kari the kind of life she deserved if they had a second child. 

"I've been without water, I've been without light, I've been without food and I am not going to put anyone else through that" says James.  Like many others contemplating abortion they truly believed it was a loving act and in the best interest of their child, but was it?

In March of last year, along with Rev Mariusz Koch, CFR of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, Lumina held our first "Entering Canaan" retreat day for siblings of aborted babies. Men and women who were suffering greatly because of the loss of a sibling to abortion traveled from around the country to participate in the day.

Their circumstances varied. Some found out about their aborted sibling through parents, others overheard conversations, some learned from an outside source, but what they all had in common was an innate sense that someone was missing from their lives.

Michael shared how his mom told him of his lost brother. "She was filled with fear of what my reaction would be, and honestly, it was difficult. Suddenly my whole life was beginning to make sense. Every desire and sadness. I had actually felt his loss in my heart throughout the course of my life."

The conflicting emotions surrounding the abortion of a sibling can be overwhelming, and the fear of speaking of their own struggles often seems insurmountable because of the isolation they experience and the desire to protect an already hurting parent.

Feelings of compassion are often coupled with anger, confusion, guilt, resentment and a sense of unworthiness. The retreat gives them a safe place to express those feelings and be with others who are experiencing the same emotions. 

Living siblings often have a need to continually prove their worth in order to justify being given life. "I couldn't help but feel that I needed to be worthy of their love, that I needed to somehow justify having been allowed to be born." (MB) Others feel a lack of intimacy with parents who are unable to bond with them because of their post abortive guilt. Expressing all these emotions while feeling safe that their love of their parents is known in spite of the abortion can be a freeing experience. Most freeing however is just knowing they are not alone and can grieve their siblings together.

Questions also often plague them:

Why that baby and not me?
Did my parents always want and love me?
Why do I feel guilty for surviving?
Was I the cause for my siblings' death?

Oftentimes, because of the fear of hurting parents further, these issues are not addressed as expressed in a writing by Magaly Bobadilla about her mom. "I never discussed my feelings on this matter with her. I loved her and I knew that she was truly sorry, and that it would cause her even greater sorrow to have to face the fact that I too was hurt by her abortion."

In the closing segment of the MTV show, taped some time after the abortion, Dr Drew asks Markai how she is doing and how she feels now that some time has passed. With tears in her eyes Markai responds "I am confused".

Like many other post abortive women, the pieces of the puzzle are just not fitting. If the decision was so right, why does it feel so wrong?  In reality, Markai is not really confused at all. As a mother whose very nature it is to protect and nourish her children, Markai knows in her heart that aborting one of them, for whatever reason, was wrong. The confused feelings are there because no matter how many people tell her she made the right decision, or, in the case of Dr Drew, told her it was "normal" to feel confused, in her heart she knows it is anything but normal to take the life of your child.

I have no doubt that James and Markai really believed they did was best for Kari, however, suffering from the loss of water, lights or food, is nothing compared to the loss of the life of a sibling. Sadly, in time, they will come to know all too well this is true.

The next "Entering Canaan" retreat say for siblings of aborted babies will be on Saturday March 5, 2011. For further information or to register call:

Theresa Bonopartis
Lumina/Hope & Healing after Abortion
http://www.postabortionhelp.org 
1-877-586-4621
lumina@postabortionhelp.org

-----

Theresa is the Director of Lumina/Hope & Healing After Abortion, a post abortion ministry under the arm of Good Counsel Homes, founded by Chris Bell and Rev Benedict Groeschel, CFR.  With the Sisters of Life, Theresa also co-developed the healing ministry, "Entering Canaan, a Sacramental Journey to an Inheritance of Mercy". Along with the Sisters of Life and Friars of the Renewal Theresa conducts retreats for women, and men suffering from abortion as well as siblings of those who have been aborted. She also does public speaking and training to educate on post abortion stress. She can be reached at lumina@postaboritonhelp.org , 877-586-4621 or http://www.postabortionhelp.org 

---


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