Finding Guidance When Needed

As he began to read my book, his questions and doubts were suddenly resolved. 

P align=justify>CORPUS CHRISTI, TX. (CATHOLIC ONLINE) -  Phillip came into the parish office the other day wanting to speak to me.  "I feel kind of lost", he told my secretary.  He has belonged to another parish for many years and his pastor is being transferred. 

My morning was packed with back to back appointments and meetings.  Since Phillip did not have an emergency, Lisa kindly asked him to come back after lunch.  

Phillip was off from work that morning, so he thought that he might find some answers to his problems with a good book.  While browsing through books at the local Catholic bookstore, his eyes focused on a title that immediately grabbed his attention.  It seemed as if the book Man to Man: A Real Priest Speaks to Real Men about Marriage, Sexuality and Family Life was calling him from the shelf.

As he browsed through the book, he could not believe that the priest that he wanted to speak to you actually wrote the book!  As he began to read my book, his questions and doubts were suddenly resolved. 

So, why did I write a book for men about marriage? What credibility could I establish? What qualified me, a priest to speak on this subject?

I thought back to the moment when I first confronted problems in marriage. 

"Father, am I obligated to be intimate with my husband?" This is the question I was once asked by a recently married woman who was seeking my advice.  As a newly ordained priest I gave her the text book answer I had learned in the seminary. But I was amazed and wondered what was wrong with this picture. 

As the years of priesthood flew by, I found through the many hours of listening to people´s problems that some women do get tired of the conjugal life which is such an important part of a joyful and faithful marriage.  Moreover, I have found out that there are reasons why they do shut down. 

Then again I have been puzzled why men, married to the most gorgeous Catholic women, have become addicted to pornography and masturbation. And more importantly, how men can go about freeing themselves from this awful trap.

When I was writing the book, I asked a young, recently married couple who read over the first manuscript, if I was being too explicit about the sexual life of married couples.  "If the Church does not speak out clearly, young people will go elsewhere for answers", was their response. 

One Sunday night in December 2006, awakened from a sound sleep at three a.m., I found myself primed and ready to write out the titles of the chapters for this book. 

I had never experienced this kind of inspiration before.  The desire to write the book was something that gnawed at me for the next couple of weeks.  So, I decided that God was telling me something and perhaps using me.  I quickly decided to take some time off and write the book but I needed solitude, a quiet place away from the routines of parish life.  I had never used vacation time to write, but I thought, why not?  I had always wanted to visit the island of Holbox, a small, undeveloped island off the northern coast of the Yucatan Peninsula. And it was there that I wrote a book to encourage men to be heroes.

"Mom, who wrote this book?"  My assistant´s newly married daughter had discovered my manuscript somewhere in the living room and had picked it up to read it. "Your priest wrote it," her mom responded.  "Great stuff isn´t it?"  "Mom, every man needs to read this.  This is excellent." 

This was the direct signal from God telling me that I had to get my book published.  Numerous publishers had been reluctant to touch it. Discouraged by negative comments, I was ready to give up and just post the text on my website. "Men don´t read," they had said. "Our editors found your book too controversial."  More than one publisher´s rep wondered what priests knew about married life anyway.  Comments like these figured in the rejection notices accompanying the returned manuscripts.  

But, I have proven these publishers wrong.  More than 2,500 copies of my book have been sold through thebook´s website and I have been interviewed by many of the major Catholic radio stations throughout the country.  Patrick Madrid, author and director of the Envoy Institute said, "After having been happily married and raising children for nearly 30 years, I know from experience that the principles and advice that Father James Farfaglia imparts in this excellent new book are theologically sound and eminently helpful for men, especially married men.  His many years of pastoral experience in counseling married couples, hearing confessions, and carefully observing the exigencies of married life from the standpoint of a priest have prepared him to speak as a genuine expert on the important lessons Catholic men must learn if they are to be truly happy, holy, and fulfilled as husbands and fathers."  

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You all know that as men, we are constantly being challenged by a crazy and dysfunctional world. 
Now, more than ever, the Church and the world need men who are willing to be faithful, authentic, mature, coherent and heroic.  So, pick up a copy of Man to Man, and man up to the challenge.

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Father James Farfaglia is the pastor of Saint Helena of the True Cross of Jesus Catholic Church in Corpus Christi, Texas.  Father has a hard hitting blog calledIllegitimi non carborundum.  He has also published a book called Man to Man: A Real Priest Speaks to Real Men about Marriage, Sexuality and Family Life.  He is a contributing writer to Catholic Online.

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