Making holidays with the kids count isn't mere child's play

Chicago Tribune (MCT) - With kids off from school for the holidays, you'll have more time to hang with them _ a prospect that either inspires delight or delirium.

To make holidays with your kids count, you need mapping, follow-through and a heartfelt desire to make your presence the present. Parenting experts add: You can't have family fun if you fail to limit distractions, whether from your BlackBerry or a backlog of to-dos.

"We're all guilty of multitasking or half-listening," says Paula Statman, founder and president of the Kidwise Institute in Oakland, Calif., and author of "Raising Careful, Competent Kids in a Crazy World" (Piccolo, $12). "But when it really matters, you have to listen and put things down. Your kids will even tell you: 'This is your moment.'"

So go ahead: Pretend the vacuum broke, or the e-mail marked "urgent" says "trivial." Your kids are waiting.

Prepare. It takes time to get kids out the door _ longer than you think. So ready everything you'll need while the kids sleep: Pack those diaper bags. Lay out those clothes and coats. Put keys, wallet and cell phone within easy reach, so as to avoid pleading, "Honey, have you seen my ..."

Pace. When blocking out the day, keep in mind your kids' "up" and "down" times (and yours, too). "If you have kids who melt down at 4 or 5 o'clock, don't take them into a theater or busy store," Statman says. "Do the thing most taxing for you, and them, when you're less likely to have power struggles."

Play the adult. Everybody backslides at the holidays, what with high-calorie parties and all. But beware turning back the clock on your parental discipline. "We see the holidays as exceptionally fun times, and as adults we want to dump all the rules and slip into kid mode," Statman says. "That isn't good for the kids. They need some sort of structure." So think twice before treating for a souped-up, sugary sundae before bedtime.

Pause for play. It's frustrating when you've planned a special stop for your kids _ the museum, perhaps _ to find they won't stop running around at the tot lot. Yet if they're having fun, why yank them away to enforce a rigid timetable? Kids are kids, and unstructured play is often healthiest.

Plan transitions. Children of any age often have trouble recognizing when they're over-tired or ready for a break. Ease them out of beloved activities gradually, advises Statman: "Of course, their answer to that will often be no, but in your wisdom you know the kids have had enough. You can always say, 'Let's check the schedule and _ oh, it says here that it's time for a family break. Let's do that and see what happens next.'"

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