The couple that prays together: These steps can enrich your prayer life and your marriage

ST. PAUL, Minn. (Catholic Digest) - As newlyweds, my husband Terry and I faced the challenge of deciding which traditions from each side of the family we would continue.

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When planning a vacation, we had to decide if we would go camping, like my family, or stay at motels, like Terry's family. At Christmas, we had to decide between an artificial tree (his family) and a live tree (my family). As the time grew near to buy a new car, we found ourselves wrestling over purchasing a fuel-efficient foreign brand or the domestic brand at the place my dad worked. But when it came to saying grace at mealtimes, Terry and I chose a new family custom. We created and still create our own prayers. Standing in the kitchen, holding hands, surrounded by the blessed mess of food preparation and simmering dishes on the stove, we ask God for guidance, pray for specific people, and thank God for our food and for each other. Sometimes there has been laughter, sometimes tension, sometimes tears, but always prayer has drawn us closer to each other. In his pastoral John Kinney of St. Cloud, Minnesota, says that older couples have told him, "Prayer is the glue that held us together." Some couples feel that praying together is almost more intimate than sexual sharing. Many Catholic couples have never experienced what I call couple-praying -- praying together, just the two of them. Where does one begin? After 20 years of experimentation, here's what Terry and I have learned: Make a plan. When you want to go to a football game, you make arrangements. If you want to pray as a couple, you need a plan. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Then, discuss when, where, and what method of prayer you will use. What simple steps will you take to insure the fewest interruptions possible? Select a prayer style that works for both of you. Look for common ground. For example, if your spouse is not Catholic, he or she may not be comfortable praying the Rosary. Be willing to try something new. Take it one step at a time. Praying spontaneously that is, in your own words, is a great way to pray together, but it can feel intimidating at first. Begin by saying a familiar prayer together, like the Our Father. Then, take turns praying for your needs, your children, your friends, or other special intentions. Thank God for good things that happened in your day. End with a familiar prayer like the Glory Be. Try Scripture based prayer forms. In Marital Spirituality: The Search for the Hidden Ground, authors Patrick and Claudette McDonald describe a simple way for couples to share Scripture together, couple I know says together the short form of Evening Prayer, the Church's daily prayer based on the psalms, and other readings. Never use prayer to manipulate the other person For example, praying aloud that your spouse will give up a bad habit. Pray instead for your own transformation. Respect each other's needs. One person in a marriage is often more extroverted than the other. If you are naturally talkative, look for ways to give your spouse the silence he or she needs to muster the courage to speak. If you are the quieter spouse, try thinking ahead of time of one simple prayer intention. You don't have to share every personal thought during prayer. Allow for sacred silence. Many of us are afraid of silence. However, as our prayer lives deepen, we discover special, sacred times of silence. Allow little spaces of time between segments of your prayer time. This gives God a chance to speak within. End with a hug and a kiss after your final "Amen." " As sacrament, your marriage is meant to be a sign of God's love in the world: "God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them " (11 Jn 4:16)..So, go ahead, seal your prayer with a kiss! - - - From the syndicated column, "The Prayerful Heart," as seen in St. Paul and Minneapolis Archdiocesan newspaper, The Catholic Spirit, and other diocesan newspapers. A prayer for married couples Lord Jesus, Grant that I and my spouse may have a true and understanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust. Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony. May we always bear with one another's weaknesses and grow from each other 's strengths. Help us to forgive one another's failings, and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness, and the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self. May the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to you through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection. Amen. www.CATHOLICDOORS.COM/PRAYERS

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