My son is ill, and I feel deserted by everyone

Dear June, My son has ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyper-Active Disorder, and epilepsy. I have basically given up my social life because I feel guilty about going out when my son doesn't really get to do too much.

i>He is 10 and still cannot talk. I don't go to church anymore; I feel awful just leaving him to go grocery shopping. I feel like I am raising him alone because my husband is involved with his work, traveling or being with his friends. Even when he is at home, I still feel like I'm alone. I feel deserter by everyone. I am so afraid that I am going to ruin my marriage because of this. I am exhausted. I am not asking for pity, just for reassurance that things will get better one day. - Trying to Cope and Live Again Dear Trying to Cope and Live Again: I urge you to share these feelings and fears with your husband, so together you can work out a way to recover time for yourself and one another and thus strengthen your family life. Your son's problems sound serious, but you and your husband must make time for each other s well as for you're your son. I think you are making a serious mistake by cutting off your contacts with other people. Other people are the very resources who will most likely help you and your husband find ways to live with this suffering and to create a life of joy and beauty at the same time. Find other people who have children like your own; ask them how they cope and how they manage to find enjoyment in the midst of their commitment to a dependent and needy child. I urge you to arrange for child care two or three times a week so you can plan and protect time with your husband, time with your friends, and time alone. You are not only a mother; you are an individual woman, a wife, a neighbor, a religious practitioner, and a friend. It is important to pay attention to each of these roles, relationships and responsibilities. If you feel guilty and find this difficult to do, remember that if you were to die tomorrow, your son would have to go on without you. It is better if you enlarge his world now, by bringing other people into his life. Then if he must, he can manage to live without you. His survival, as well as your survival and the survival of you marriage and family life, require you to use your imagination and take action to rearrange the patterns you describe. This is a project you and your husband can work on together, a struggle through together, and take steps to resolve. Share your feelings and fears with your husband as you have shared them with me. Ask him to work with you to make some lifestyle changes that will benefit all three of you. - Dr. June O'Connor - - - June O'Connor, Ph.D., a professor in the department of religious studies at the University of California, Riverside, writes a regular column for the Catholic Digest. This column is republished with permission of the Catholic Digest (www.catholicdigest.org), a Catholic Online Preferred Publishing Partner.

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Republished by Catholic Online with permission of Catholic Digest (www.catholicdigest.org), a Catholic Online Preferred Publishing Partner.