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Four Phrases That Will Transform Your Relationships

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By Jackie Stammen
5/16/2016 (3 years ago)
Laughs and Love (

Instinctively, we long to rescue the people we love. We desperately want to take away their hurts and "fix" whatever struggle or fear they may be walking through. I know this because I've been the one that has tried to verbally "fix" other people's struggles. I didn't have the knowledge or foresight to see then that fixing wasn't what was desired or needed at all. Instead what was needed was love.


By Jackie Stammen
Laughs and Love (
5/16/2016 (3 years ago)

Published in Blog

Keywords: relationships, rough seasons

NASHVILLE, TN - Two years ago when I broke my leg I learned this lesson the hard way. Everyone who cared about me (out of the goodness of their hearts) wanted to fix it for me, to take away the disappointment and pain and struggle. The people who were close to me and love me certainly took care of me well and poured out love for me in ways I never could have anticipated and didn't even deserve. When I was in need, someone always showed up to help. It was humbling and beautiful all at once. God constantly provided.

Another lesson I learned during that season of life is that my impulse to help others was often translated into offering advice to help "fix" things for them. I would spatter them with suggestions and ideas of things to do that might help change their circumstances. This became clear as I became the one on the receiving end of it all.

But during those tough seasons every last thing feels way too heavy. It all feels like to much to think about or process through. It feels like you should be doing more to facilitate the process of healing, to cope, to get through it. The weight of all those emotions just winds up making you feel inadequate.

In all actuality, we sometimes get stopped in our tracks because we need to be still. Our bodies and minds and spirits need to slow down, take a break, and just be for a little while. There are medial moments in all of our lives where we need to stop doing, stop striving, and stop achieving for every last thing. Sometimes we just need a break to recenter ourselves and recharge.

You don't have to prove yourself. You just don't.

The broken leg season of life for me was when I first became keenly aware of four phrases my heart responded to most. There were four phrases that gave me peace and granted me permission to be healed at my own pace rather than to be fixed on the spot.

The words of those phrases didn't suffice unless they were rooted in truth and truth doesn't lie. It was a good opportunity for me to learn I also needed to begin exercising these four phrases on the people I love.

Now as I surpass another little rough patch of life I am reminded of the power of those four phrases as I hear them expressed to me from time to time.

I support you.

I'm proud of you.

I believe in you.

I love you.

That's all we really want to know and hear when we've been hurting and walking through thunderstorms. We don't need the well-intention efforts of others trying to verbally fix everything for us when we're already feeling low. We just need to know we aren't alone and that we have a shoulder to lean on. We all need someone to really believe in us. We often have such a difficult time believing in ourselves. It makes it easier to pick ourselves up after the dust settles when we believe in each other and voice it.

We all just want to be loved. What you feel in your heart remains hidden unless you put a voice or an action behind it. Don't miss the opportunity to tell those you love that you do. Speaking love is just as important as feeling it and knowing it.

We don't need to go around trying to fix each other. Sometimes we just need to say, I support you. I'm proud of you. I believe in you. I love you.

That will be plenty for now.

Laughs and Love,


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