A few days ago I offered a small reflection on the movie A Beautiful Mind (Directed by Ron Howard, Starring Russell Crowe). I suggested in that blog that we aren’t that far from John Nash, a brilliant Mathametician but struggle schizophrenic. I want to come back to this theme because it occurs to me there is a greater truth here. Let me begin by asking the question: What are you afraid of? Death. Lonliness. Rejection. I think this is a very important thing for each of us to deal with in our lives. If not then they become for us the voices we struggle against, just like John Nash, seeking to block out our fears through poor coping skills such as food, television and taking care of others. What are you afraid of?
Me? I am afraid of many things — of not being liked or loved (I have made a whole career out of this one); of failure… of rejection… even of success. Shall I go on because there is more? I had built my life around hiding from dealing with or facing these issues. And even though, in recent months, I have made tremoundous strides in facing these serpents in my life there has been a recent set of events that sent me spiraling right back down again. This event scared me. In dealing with the aftermath I too quickly moved back into the safty of my old ways of coping and dealing with life and it was comfortable. Like snuggling down into your covers on a cold winters day and snoozing a while longer. I didn’t want to get out. I have to admit that I stand on the edge not sure which way is the better way to go… my old ways of coping that I know is safe but must admit is unproductive or a new life that holds way to many risks but potentially could mean true freedom.
I wonder if this is how David felt facing the giant, Goliath. I wonder if there was a moment when he saw how big and ugly and powerful this monster was when he said to himself; “Hell no! I gotta go!” It was easy to offer; to think about facing the enemy when David was safe in the tent of King Saul before he knew the truth of the situation. I am sure there was a moment when David thought about turning back to his safe fields watching his sheep, facing problems he knew he could deal with. What if he failed with Goliath? But with a cocky flip of his head (that only youth can do) he quickly talks himself out of the moment thinking of what? Glory? Success? The heads of the pretty girls he will turn when he wins? And then he sees the giant. Now its no longer a theory but it is real and he is scared.
We know from scripture that David turns to God for the strength and courage to face his giant. What do you turn to? Lent is about facing our giants without the false gods we have created to numb ourselves from the truth. Lent is about giving up, not chocolate but those “things” and “attitudes” that keep us supposedly safe but unproductive in our lives. Is it scary? Hell yes! And I wish I could tell you from the “other side” that its all worth it, but these are our own personal “Agony in the Garden”. Like David, like Jesus we must look inside ourselves, find the courage and strength and face what is right in front of us. Our only other option is to find ourselves getting deeper and deeper bound to sin in our lives.
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