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Lenten Reflection: A Barren Heart, God is in the Desert

It is often in the deserts of our own lives where we find the Lord

Though I hate the desert, may I wait for Him there.  Whether He speaks or not, I will pray.  If I feel nothing at all, I will praise Him.

If God has chosen this desert for me for now, I will follow Him into it.  I don't believe I go there alone; He is leading me.

If God has chosen this desert for me for now, I will follow Him into it. I don't believe I go there alone; He is leading me.


CHESAPEAKE, VA. (Catholic Online) - I'm not one to mince words:  I hate the desert.  I have spent too many years of my life living in deserts, and I absolutely hated it.  Sand, especially when it's blown around by strong winds, has a very distinct smell that permeates everything which I find most unpleasant.  Cactus I can do without.  Desert critters and creepy-crawlies I can most certainly live without!  And the heat... the relentless, oppressive heat.  It dries you up and sucks the life out of you.  No, the desert is only good for scorpions, snakes and cactus.  Give me cool temperatures, green grass, tall trees, a colorful autumn and a white winter and I'm a happy gal, thank you very much.

While "exiled" to the Mojave Desert a few years ago, compliments of the Army, I would often grumble to our priest how I hated the desert and everything about it, to which he would reply with a sneaky grin, "But Jen, God is in the desert."  I would usually shoot back, "Why can't God be in the mountains or the trees and lakes and green grass and the snow?"  "Oh, He's there, too, but He is more fond of the desert," my priest would insist.

Well, God may be fond of the desert, but I am not.  So it is much to my chagrin that I find myself back in the desert lately, without having moved from my tree-surrounded home.  Something has taken over my heart and even my mind.  I can only describe it as desolation.  I feel as barren and dry as the most unforgiving desert on earth.  The landscape of my interior has no flowing water, no color, no fragrance, no softness or beauty.  Just barrenness and silence.

I long for inspiration, but it does not come.  I plead for some variation, some highs and lows, but all remains flat and dull.  Gone are the passionate feelings I delight in, the profound movements of my heart that let me soar and dive and soar again.  What I wouldn't give even for tears and sadness, but even they seem to have left me.  For someone like me who wears her heart on her sleeve, the absence of feeling is unsettling.  It's rather like a car without gas and it's hard to move forward.

It is easy to be disturbed by the barrenness and alarmed by the silence.  Who among us wants to hear silence at the end of our prayers?  Who finds it easy to come faithfully to sit with emptiness and offer praise to God when He seems to have vanished?  It is tempting to be scared and self-pitying, turning inward to lick my poor heart's wounds and wonder if God has given up on me.

Yet, I sense something else a resolve to sit with the emptiness and listen to the silence.  Something deep within is calling me to trust in the goodness of this dry season.  If God has chosen this desert for me for now, I will follow Him into it.  I don't believe I go there alone; He is leading me.  If He is testing my faith, then I, too,want to find out what stuff it is made of.  I may be loathe to admit it, but I think my priest friend was right:  God is in the desert.

In the desert there are no distractions, nothing to please my eye and tempt me to look elsewhere.  It is a hostile environment in many ways, and my creature comforts do nothing to fill the desolation, so I am compelled to turn to the Lord, hungry for relief.  At first the silence is deafening and jarring, but if I lean into it and accept the stillness, then I may finally be able to hear His gentle voice again.

That is my hope and prayer for this barren Lent.  That by His grace, I just might learn to walk steadfastly with Him through this spiritual desert, growing in trust and obedience.  Whether He speaks or not, I will pray.  If I feel nothing at all, I will praise Him.  If my mind is a void and my heart empty, I will just quietly bow before Him with humility and gratitude for all He has done.

It's a struggle because it requires a repeated act of my will, which isn't easy to muster when the heart is arid.  Lazy flesh is being asked to learn greater discipline; a faint heart is being urged on to courage; a spirit full of me is dared to risk being emptied, trusting in Him to fill the void with His own spirit.

As the one who cried out in the desert, "Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight his paths" also said, "He must become greater; I must become less."  John 3:30

I would not choose this barren place were it up to me, but I pray that I may be found faithful in following Him through it and that it will bear great fruit.  The words of Isaiah bring me comfort and hope:  "See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19

If today your experience is anything like mine, walk into the desert, sit with the emptiness and the silence and do not despair.  He has promised, "The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom...Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.  The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs."  Isaiah 35:1,6-7

Yes, God is in the desert.

---------------

Jennifer Hartline is a Catholic Army wife and mother of four precious children (one in Heaven).  She is a contributing writer for Catholic Online on topics of Catholic faith, family, Life and politics.  She is also a serious chocoholic.  Visit her at My Chocolate Heart.

---


Pope Francis: end world hunger through 'Prayer and Action'


2014 - Distributed by THE NEWS CONSORTIUM

Pope Francis Prayer Intentions for August 2014
Refugees:
That refugees, forced by violence to abandon their homes, may find a generous welcome and the protection of their rights.
Oceania: That Christians in Oceania may joyfully announce the faith to all the people of that region.

Keywords: Lent, prayer, Jennifer Hartline, fasting, asceticism



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1 - 10 of 12 Comments

  1. rachel m
    4 years ago

    God Bless, Jennifer! what a beautiful reflection. It speaks to me where I am right now in the dessert..in desolation. Thank you.

  2. rachel m
    4 years ago

    God Bless, Jennifer! what a beautiful reflection. It speaks to me where I am right now in the dessert..in desolation. Thank you.

  3. Caroline Andrew
    4 years ago

    Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one that is stuck in the desert and that I have lost God. When I listen to the Readings and Gospel very carefully and try to hear God's message to me, 99% of the time I am lost. Most of the time, Father manages to speak in language that I am able to understand and the picture slowly gets clearer and the fog thins. It is so good when we can relate to the writer who is able to be understood.
    Thank you

  4. Laurel
    4 years ago

    I am in a Spiritual desert, a Good Thing, I suppose, during Lent. I found your article directly touched my raw nerves, as I am in the process of ending my marriage. I cannot be sure God and/or Jesus are with me on this walk, or if I will be eternally damned. I do know I cannot force someone to love me, and that aanother's love for me must be a free act of Will.

  5. Mrs.Rene O'Riordan
    4 years ago

    Yesterday's gospel brought me to thinking that the father had two immature sons. The "good" son had not yet grown to love what the Father loved. He did not have the mind of the Father. This is what the desert does to us - we lose our self interest and with Jesus we say "not my will but Thy Will be done". When my children were small, I limited their time in the street, I would call them in home for lemonade and biscuits!! They came willingly enough. But it was important to get the "street" out of them (bad language, cheeky answers!etc.) Last night I was so unwilling to go to prayer and I recalled this. Jesus has to get "the street" out of us, so He gives us delight in prayer. But we must grow up and check in "home" because we want to be with our Father and not because of the "lemonade and bicuits". He has far greater plans for us - that we have the Mind of Christ. To lose all consolation and still be called to "leave the street" - that's being asked to grow up. Thank you so much for sharing this Jennifer. I love your posts. Am going to repost it on my facebook page as I have many of your posts. You articulate so well what is so hard to describe. God Bless - Rene

  6. Brett Manero
    4 years ago

    Some of my fondest memories of my spiritual journey are those memories of when I was in the spiritual desert- it was during these times that I grew the most and which taught me to appreciate the 'spiritual springs' all the more. Thank you!

  7. Suzie
    4 years ago

    Dear Jennifer:
    What a powerful letter. I see myself in every line. Thank you for such an enlightenment during this desert season of my life. May God Bless You Always.

  8. J. Bob
    4 years ago

    During my "desert" this kind of came to me:

    Holy Spirit, come to me
    In the darkness, let me see
    In the silence, let me hear
    In the dark night, banish fear
    Holy God, dwell in me

  9. PtS
    4 years ago

    Excellent, excellent, excellent. Prepare for a long, silent, painful wait, but cling to God. He's all there is. Prayers my dear...

  10. MJGT
    4 years ago

    Thank you for opening your heart to us. Your article is an inspiration. God bless you.


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