Gotcha Day!

Gotcha Day: that exciting and joy filled day when an adoption becomes both final and legal and a family has a new member. The adoption road can be long, frustrating and full of emotional ups and downs, but Gotcha Day brings celebrations, happiness, peace and thankfulness.

DENVER, CO - As I wrote last here last year, my wife and I adopted a baby girl named Lia. Our adoption journey was a long one. We waited almost three years from the time we filled out our original application to the day we stood before a judge and was granted full legal custody of our precious daughter. 

Throughout those three years, we experienced the emotional roller coaster of having our adoption book shown to prospective birth moms, of being told we were one of the final families only to be told the next day that another family had been chosen.

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I'll post a link to the original story below if you'd like to read that story, but the day we brought home the newborn little Lia is one I will never forget, just as I will never forget the day our biological son Jonah was born and we brought him home.

For adoptive families, however, bringing the baby home is still not the end of the journey. A mountain of paperwork remains and depending on the state you live in, a waiting period can be applied. In Colorado, where we live, a six month wait before the adoption is finalized is mandatory. During this time, birth parents can change their mind and choose to parent the child until the paperwork goes through that terminates their parental rights.  I'll not recount the entire time of our six month waiting period but we did have one small scare when the birth father was thinking about a parent plan after we had already had Lia for two months. Needless to say, my wife and I were very stressed. Fortunately, things did work out and Lia stayed with us.
 
As we grew closer to the six month deadline, we hired a lawyer to process the final paperwork and set a court date. By the time everything was done, we had a date: January 30th or what has come to be known in the adoptive world as Gotcha Day. It's that special day when all the paperwork is done and an adoption becomes final. For us, it meant standing before a judge with our lawyer and our adoption counselor, Emily, who had been so supportive. We had a full contingent of family and friends with us which surprised the judge. As our lawyer went trough the motions and asked us questions before the judge, he made sure to include our son by asking him if he was ready to be a good big brother and of he was ready for that responsibility. Jonah loved it, and he is a wonderful big brother. A few short minutes later, and Lia was officially a member of the Clark family. We had finally made it to 'Gotcha moment of Gotcha Day'! Pictures were taken. Smiles and tears were in abundance. Of course there was a party after we left the courthouse.
 

It's now been a year since that first Gotcha Day, and I've learned a thing or two. First, the Lord knew what he was doing when he brought Lia into my life. As much as I love my son, I didn't realize how much I wanted a daughter. She is old enough to distinguish between and say "Mama" and "Dada." Regardless of the kind of day I've had at work, my heart rejoices and my cares melt away when she runs to me screaming "Dada!" when I come in the door. I've always felt my children (and all children) are a gift from God.

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Considering our struggles with infertility, I cherish each of them and consider myself extra blessed to have both an natural born and adopted child. Secondly, I've learned that the term Gotcha Day is not without some controversy. The term was originally coined by Margaret Schwartz in her 2001 book The Pumpkin Patch about international adoption. Some people have opposed the term because of the way the word gotcha can have a demeaning tone or that the whole idea focuses on the parents at the expense of the adoptee (or what the adoptee has lost). Personally, I know no one who objects to the term. For the record, I think it a wonderful term, something very fun to celebrate through the years, and see no downside. I refuse to be offended or connected with any negative connotation.

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Our Gotcha Day this year was rather subdued. Grandparents came over for a glass of champagne with peppermint ice cream cupcakes. Lia loved hers, and the crazy running around the house with her cousins from the resulting sugar high was well worth it. As she gets older, I'm sure our Gotcha Day celebrations will change. For sure, some years will be more extravagant while some years will be very simple. One year a party with our house filled with family and friends. Perhaps another year, just a quiet dinner a favorite restaurant.  
One thing is for sure, we will not stop celebrating them. 

If you are at all interested in or thinking about adoption, I recommend attending an adoption fair. There are always churches and parishes who support adoption and have fairs throughout the year. Every adoption story (like every birth story) is different. Some are hard. Some are easy. in the end, they are always fulfilling.

Blessings

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