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Pack your bags, we're moving! Scientists say Earth is uninhabitable

Impact to property values unknown.


You might want to sit down for this, we have some bad news for you and your property value. According to our finest boffins, Earth is uninhabitable. It's tragic because Earth is where we live and keep all of our stuff, so it's hard to say what we're going to do with ourselves now.

Sorry, you can't live here...the scientists have spoken.

Sorry, you can't live here...the scientists have spoken.

LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - Researchers working at Penn State University have redefined what they believe the habitable zone around a star should be. The habitable zone is the area regarded by scientists as where life can exist primarily because of the presence of water in liquid form. Planets outside of the habitable zone will either be so close to their parent star that water vaporizes, or so far away that it remains forever frozen.

This habitable zone is also referred to as the "Goldilocks zone" because conditions are "just right" for liquid water.

Since liquid water is considered by many to be a prerequisite for life, a planet which exists outside of the zone is in trouble, if it aspires to life.

Unfortunately, Earth, the one planet where we once thought life was common, lies outside of the habitable zone. Indeed, the proclamation is so bold that it stretches credulity.

Still, researchers working within the Penn State Department of Geosciences have issued a straight-laced news release saying they have redefined the habitable zone based on models built by other researchers, and April 1st is still months away.

For astronomers, knowing the dimensions of a star's habitable zone is important because it tells precisely where they should look for planets which could possibly support life. 

The researchers insist they are serious and say that according to the new model, Earth lies just outside the Sun's habitable zone, by a mere one million kilometers. We actually live, according to the model, just outside the warm edge of the zone. They say it's our clouds that keep the planet habitable, reflecting solar radiation that would otherwise bake the planet to a crisp.

What a relief!

While we might beg to differ with them and point out an obvious empirical objection to the limits of their model, we should probably just refrain. After all, we're not scientists. Instead we have bigger issues to worry about -- property values on Earth just tanked, and we should start packing before everybody else gets the word. Mars is only so big!

© 2013, Distributed by NEWS CONSORTIUM.

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Pope Benedict XVI's Prayer Intentions for January 2013
General Intention:
The Faith of Christians. That in this Year of Faith Christians may deepen their knowledge of the mystery of Christ and witness joyfully to the gift of faith in him.
Missionary Intention: Middle Eastern Christians. That the Christian communities of the Middle East, often discriminated against, may receive from the Holy Spirit the strength of fidelity and perseverance.

Keywords: Penn State, habitable zone, goldilocks zone, Earth, uninhabitable

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1 - 10 of 17 Comments

  1. Cindy
    4 months ago

    I wonder where the author got this information-the other planets are not habitable-where are we humans supposed to live?

  2. robert matzinger
    4 months ago

    Perhaps they're right in that the earth will be unihabitable by scientists!

  3. Chew
    4 months ago

    Marshall Connolly, the Earth's orbit is slightly eccentric; it varies by 1.6% either side of 1 AU. At its closest approach to the Sun, it is indeed one million kilometers inside this new Goldilocks zone. But the rest of the orbit is inside the new zone. But as other have pointed out: clouds.

    "For those of you who feel the article is "misleading," I apologize, but you need to understand that the title of an article is designed to elicit interest."

    As a journalist you should know that researchers rarely, if ever, write the headlines for a university's press releases.

    "I am unaware of any content within the article which needs correction."

    Since the entire article is based on a flawed premise, the entire article needs correcting!

    "I'm sorry if you didn't like the headline, however, it is consistent with other headlines on the same topic."

    You're blaming your lazy journalism on the headline???

  4. Dave at collinda
    4 months ago

    The new definition of the "habitable zone" does NOT exclude Earth. The zone is expressed in AUs - Astronomical Units. ! AU equals the distance of the earth from the sun. The new lower limit for the habitable zone is 0.99 AU, placing Earth just inside the minimum value in the range. not outside of it.

  5. DLL
    4 months ago

    The time has come for us to embrace the culture of death as soon we will be all dead,as science can never be wrong because it is science. Have a happy death everyone. Life after death soon we won't have to debate that issue as we will all be dead! Extinct! The now extinct T-Rex will be awaiting us all with open jaws!

  6. Marshall Connolly
    4 months ago

    According to the Penn State researchers, Earth lies OUTSIDE the warm edge of the habitable zone by about one million kilometers, but remains habitable because clouds in the atmosphere reflect enough solar energy back into space to keep the planet cool.

    So for those of you who insist Earth is within the zone, you are incorrect as far as the Penn State conclusion is concerned. On the other hand, I agree with you that we are obviously living within the zone. The Penn State conclusion is empirically denied, but it's a matter of definition. This is semantic more than scientific.

    I personally feel the definition will need to be tweaked in the face of our obvious exception. Of course, peer review may also show that the findings are in need of adjustment. The peer review process is just beginning.

    Space.com was not a source for this article.

    For those of you who feel the article is "misleading," I apologize, but you need to understand that the title of an article is designed to elicit interest. I am unaware of any content within the article which needs correction. I'm sorry if you didn't like the headline, however, it is consistent with other headlines on the same topic.

    Earth has been booted out of the Goldilocks Zone, as several other headlines say, but empirically we know this can't be true. The statement itself is what makes the story. To say Earth is within the habitable zone would not be much of a story. (Dog bites man.) To say the Earth is outside of the zone is the real story (man bites dog). The headline, and content reflect that, with a touch of humor.

    Finally, if you believe you are qualified to write science articles from a Catholic perspective, then I would like to invite you to contact customer support and express your interest. Catholic Online is always seeking volunteer contributors and iReporters from around the globe. Your scientifically accurate, non-misleading articles would be greatly appreciated!

  7. TURK
    4 months ago

    This article is wrong. Its based on a great artilce from space.com. Who would have thought a "journalst" couldn't read. I don't understand why this news sight thinks its acceptible to blatantly lie to there readers. Please for the crediblity of this sight read the original and correct it.

  8. Eric
    4 months ago

    This was a funny article! I like how you chose to admit that you are not scientists. I do have a question though: Is it the same god for these other habitable planets or different god for each? Just wondering cause the bible doesn't seem to mention any of these other plantets.

  9. Ron Yates
    4 months ago

    Actually, the Earth sits on the inner edge of the habitable zone, not outside it. Really, guys, check your facts.

    http://cdn.physorg.com/newman/gfx/news/hires/2013/8-researchersd.jpg

  10. Scott
    4 months ago

    Wow - this article is blatantly wrong from headline to the end. From Space.com:

    "The new definition isn't radically different from the old one. For example, in our own solar system, the boundaries of the habitable zone have shifted from between 0.95 astronomical units (AU, or the distance between Earth and the sun) and 1.67 AU, to the new range of 0.99 AU to 1.7 AU."

    The Earth is 1 AU and 1 is BETWEEN .99 and 1.7.


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