Sonja Corbitt Offers a Non-Religious, Social Defense of Marriage

5/10/2012

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contrary to reason.

The man plus woman union is, therefore, foundationally and naturally dominant over all other unions, from the dawn of humanity. Civil law that favors this particular union simply reflects its dominance and succession (procreation and education) of human generations.

A Historical Social Perspective

This anthropological union, throughout the history of human civilization, is called marriage. Since an original social institution is founded, one through which human civilization and society originate, a demand for justice and protection is inherent within marriage itself, without regard to public authority.

History proves that the man plus woman union is also properly socially dominant over all other unions, because stable man plus woman marriage is the solitary, fecund cell upon which every society was ever built, and every civilization has ever stood.

The family cell is the historically and incontestably best environment for children to thrive. The complete self-giving of man and a woman in their potential fatherhood and motherhood, with the resulting union - that is also exclusive and permanent - between the parents and the children, expresses unconditional trust that is expressed in strength and enrichment for all.

The bond between a mother and a conceived child and the irreplaceable function of the father require the child to be welcomed into a family which will guarantee, whenever it is possible, the presence of both parents. The marriage union is therefore good and preferable to all others. Study after study after study, and our combined human experience all prove that children from stable, traditional marriages are better adjusted.

They do not long for a missing father or mother, they do not experience the trauma of divorce, they are not at risk of becoming involved in crime and violence, they do not lack community, they are less often victims of poverty, are less often dependent on government, they have fewer emotional and psychological problems, and fewer health problems.

The family nucleus, as the basic building block of the whole of society, offers benefits unique to it. Marriage nurtures economic stability when the State is not forced to substitute itself where family is missing or broken. It offers legal stability, when the State need not intervene in problems that would otherwise be solved privately, including education, citizenship, the transmission of culture and values, and care of the elderly.

Marriage fosters freedom. Breakdowns in the traditional family have historically left individuals more and more vulnerable and defenseless before the power of the State and impoverished them by requiring progressive intrusions on liberties. Although the crisis of the family has certainly been the cause of greater intervention by the State, it is also true that government initiatives facilitate and promote difficulties and breakdowns of many marriages and families. Anyone who wants to know the ulterior motives of a government or institution should take a look at what it incentivizes.

A Contemporary Social Perspective

The family is the original cell of social life. It is the natural society in which husband and wife expect and are expected to give themselves in love and in the gift of life, constituting the foundations for freedom, security and community within society.

The marriage union is inclined in itself toward complementarity, a certain exclusivity, the generation of offspring, and a joint life project. The legislative function must always reflect and support this ideal reality in social responsibility.

Marriage, as the foundation of the family and society, is not a "way of living sexuality as a couple." While it can only be established through an act of mutual free will, as an institution it is determined by the structure of the human being, the woman and the man in mutual self-giving and the transmission of life, not public authority.

Other ways of living sexuality can exist - other forms of living together, other friendly relationships whether based on sexual activity or not, and other ways of bringing children into the world. Such unions can be based on love and constitute a community of life and love, but they are substantially different from the community of life and love of marriage. Any alternative union that previews marriage without commitment or betrays the natural structure of marriage is legalized and incentivized to the erosion of society.

Therefore, the law must distinguish between public interest and private interest. It is the role of government to protect and encourage public interest, but the State can only guarantee freedom in private interest.

Marriage and the family are in the interest of society and should be recognized and protected as such; they are the fundamental nucleus of society and the State. Two or more persons may decide to live together, with or without a sexual relationship, but this cohabitation is not, for that reason, of public interest. Public authorities should not incentivize the private choice of alternative unions which are the result of private behavior and should remain on the private level. The Sate should only ever legalize or incentivize behaviors and unions that are good for society.

Their public recognition or equivalency to marriage, and the resulting elevation of a private interest to a public interest, weakens the family based on marriage. In marriage a man and a woman constitute a community of the whole of life which is ordered by its very nature to the good of the spouses and the generation and up-bringing of offspring.

What is specific about the family based on marriage is that it is the only institution that incorporates and unites all the elements mentioned, originally and simultaneously. It is the natural heritage of humanity written in every person's DNA and which characterizes the culture of all the peoples in history.

Family based on marriage and alternative unions are neither similar nor equivalent in their duties, functions and services in society; they cannot be similar or equivalent in their legal status. It is for the common good of society that the institution of marriage be legally protected, incentivized, and elevated, in order to encourage that behavior for the good of children, individuals, society, and humankind. It is why 30 states, as of yesterday, have moved to protect marriage.

Catholic Documents on Marriage
Pontifical Council for the Family on Family, Marriage, and De Facto Unions

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Sonja Corbitt is a Catholic speaker, Scripture study author, and a contributing writer for Catholic Online. Visit pursuingthesummit.com to order her 10-week, DVD-driven Bible study on the "whys" of Catholicism: Soul of the World, The Heart as God's Dwelling Place.
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Pope Benedict XVI's Prayer Intentions for January 2013
General Intention: The Faith of Christians. That in this Year of Faith Christians may deepen their knowledge of the mystery of Christ and witness joyfully to the gift of faith in him.
Missionary Intention: Middle Eastern Christians. That the Christian communities of the Middle East, often discriminated against, may receive from the Holy Spirit the strength of fidelity and perseverance.

Keywords: defense of marriage, gay marriage, equal rights, traditional marriage, DOMA, divorce, living together, cohabitation

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1 - 10 of 17 Comments

Pat78
7 months ago
Great article! A couple of points I'd like to add: I agree that applying a social justice angle to a sinful practice such as creating same sex "marriage is a demonstration of false compassion because it isolates a part of the whole picture without looking at the greater good for a society. The creation of family units as designed by nature have declined due to various reasons which point back to lowering previous applied standards of responsibility and discarding of values that sustain families. Engaging in premarital sex, using artificial birth control, postponing pregnancy, abortion, using artificial means to conceive including anonymous egg and sperm donors, etc. has opened the door to fewer children and a rational for so called "alternative lifestyles" while placing more importance on self rather than community. The consequences are devastating! Among the many, there are increasing number of children who don't know who their siblings are and will eventually marry someone they are too closely related to simply because adults had a personal agenda to create in irresponsible, self-centered ways.
Mark J. Chermside
1 year ago
Upon further thought upon this subject, as a dutiful interested citizen of the United States of America, I hope and pray our country can advance constantly toward the most perfect will of Almighty God for all humankind now on Earth. Yet, perhaps an interesting dialogue here may be lawful USA marriage in comparison and contrast with the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Delighted I was to hear the reading this morning at Mass from Acts 15:22-31, including direction to abstain from unlawful marriage! Amen!
Kim
1 year ago
I just sent off an email to my parents and sister trying to get them to understand a basic key to why it is important to defend marriage, and my points are well articulated in this article. I think one of the problems people of good will have in defending traditional marriage is that they mistakenly understand marriage as a purely private matter. One major factor that has led to people seeing marriage that way is their acceptance of contraception. Contraception leads men and women to view their bodies as something they can manipulate for their own personal pleasure. Thus, they really don't consider much the impact creating children will have on their own relationship as well as society as a whole, and furthermore, these couples really don't see then the impact their relationship has on society. Also, regarding the concept of "anthropologically sustainable relationships"...I question just how sustainable those relationships really are. Just because humans can set up a certain relationship doesn't automatically mean we should.
Mark J. Chermside
1 year ago
Thank you Sonja, I believe you articulated the relative key points very well!
Stephanie
1 year ago
This is 2012. I am tired of the old arguments of gays being "born that way" that are 20 years old and are based on emotions rather than science. The human genome project is complete; there is no gay gene. Instead, what people working with those with same sex attraction have found is that same sex attraction comes from gender identity formation problems from early childhood. In men, they do not leave their mother's side and form a male identity when they are supposed to. They often have a domineering father who is perhaps very athletic/stereotypical male, while the son has an artistic personality and maybe doesn't have the hand-eye coordination that other boys do. In a few cases, the boys cling to their mothers because they have no father at all (but usually when there is no father the mother has to work and the son can bond with other boys at daycare). In women, there are three kinds of lesbians, some have a mother who was emotionally distant or depressed during her early years, sometimes the child viewed the mother as weak (maybe she cried a lot or did not stand up for herself) and so the girl wanted to be a boy, and the last case is women who were abused by a family member, past boyfriend, or someone else, and do not trust men so they'd rather be with a woman.

No, they do not choose to be gay. But we have to remember that the Catholic Church is against the behavior, not the individual. For example, we know that smoking is bad for you and yet we can tolerate smoking as long as they smoke outside, don't blow smoke at us, etc. Practicing homosexuals actually have a shorter average lifespan than smokers by about a decade, have a high risk of getting venereal diseases and oral/anal cancers, and are more likely to be in violent relationships or become depressed. We should be compassionate to the people with the cross of same-sex attraction, and encourage them to get the counseling they need. I have actually heard of cases where gay men have lived together and became friends and helped each other not fall into sin and they were good practicing Christians. Some people have been able to leave homosexuality altogether through positive, same-gender friendships, but it is not an easy road and can take years or even decades to overcome. And of course the longer you wait, the harder it is to turn around, so if you see a little boy acting like a girl, PLEASE step in before he gets any older. Help him affirm his masculinity, and tell him stories about other men who shared his talents (art? music?). There are also some cases where hand-eye coordination can be taught/improved which will also help him fit in better with the guys, since a lot of little boys are in sports and/or play soccer at recess.
Sonja
1 year ago
A - "I have no sins"? Yes, I think so, but saying gay marriage is not as good for society as traditional marriage is not saying I have no sins, nor is it making homosexuality more sinful than any struggle I personally deal with. We cannot pretend we don't all struggle with sin, but we also can't make "thou shall not judge" about making judgments, decisions, on what is good and evil, right and wrong. We are absolutely called by God to judge between what is good and best for society, and to DO what is best. If we can't judge what is good from what is evil, then how can we DO what is good, rather than what is evil? On public vs. private interests, I offer, because the Church does, that it is in the interest of society, public interest, to protect traditional marriage, while it is not in the public interest to elevate alternative unions, because they cannot help build society physically, nor socially, in the same way or as well as marriage.
David W. Cooney
1 year ago
Here is another article I wrote which addresses the issue from a philosophical instead of a religious standpoint.

http://acatholicknight.blogspot.com/2012/02/to-government-of-state-of-washington.html
A
1 year ago
Giancarlo - We can't blame same-sex marriage for the decline of traditional marriage values (I hope I've understood you correctly). Same-sex marriage is seen as an attack on what constitutes traditional marriage, but any problems with traditional marriage can be placed on those within those failed unions. Marriage has weakened for a number of reasons, none of which have to do with gays wanting to be married. Also, is protecting traditional marriage not a private interest as well? It's a public issue for those who don't have the right to marry. It's public for those who have no legal rights as couples. Like I said, I have mixed feelings on this issue, but I think it's important to continuously question what we believe.

Sonja-What about "judge not lest you be judged," "don't cast the stone..." "remove the plank from your own eye..." I'm not a scripture expert so I probably shouldn't go there but to me judgement is on par with saying I have no sins, is that correct?
Giancarlo Taliente
1 year ago
Anna,

What you fail to realize is that ALL of those cultures and civilizations that did not follow the One Man plus One Woman relationship have died out. Only the One Man-One Woman relationship has continued and grown stronger up until the last 40 years or so and especially the last 10 with this SSM issue at the forefront. At the end of the day, the government is here to foster the public interest not the private one. The article shows that over time and still today, the public interest is Traditional Marriage.
che
1 year ago
Thank you for making a non-religious defense of marriage available. So many of the people I know immediately dismiss any defense of marriage the moment a religious argument enters the debate. Now I will be able to make reasonable, logical intelligent arguments to support the Church's position and perhaps inspire my friends and aquaintences to actually consider a position other than their own with a more open mind. God bless you for your efforts.

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