Skip to content
Catholic Online Logo

By Jennifer Hartline

7/9/2014 (2 years ago)

Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

Anyone truly devoted to the good of a child will not create by design a motherless or fatherless home for that child.

Our culture is so obsessed with making the case for same-sex "marriage" that now, astonishingly, sane people have to actually make the case for mothers and fathers.  We've elevated sexual preferences and wants high above the needs of our children. Whatever else you may call it, it's not love.

Highlights

By Jennifer Hartline

Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

7/9/2014 (2 years ago)

Published in U.S.

Keywords: surrogacy, adoption, gay couples, family, mothers, fathers, Jennifer Hartline


WASHINGTON, D.C. (Catholic Online) - The story of two gay men in Texas who became fathers of twin boys via a surrogate appeared in my Facebook feed a couple of weeks ago, posted by a woman voicing her support for the men and her anger over their legal predicament.

Each man is the biological father of one twin, and each wants to legally adopt the biological son of the other. Because Texas does not recognize same-sex "marriage", the law will not allow the adoption or for the birth certificates to reflect the two fathers as parents of both boys.

So began the cry of discrimination toward these men, and the injustice of the law.

I decided to jump in with quite the opposite perspective. I wasn't expecting my comments to be well-received, but even so, I was stunned at how the thread developed.

What was truly maddening, I said, was that two babies had been manufactured and sold, and now were being denied their mother. It is wrong, I argued, to create by design a home for those babies that intentionally deprives them of their mother. They have a right to know and be cared for by their mother.

I went even further and said that what the two men had done was not love. The adults have gotten what they wanted, but the babies have not been given what they need nor what they deserve and are truly entitled to, which is their mother. Whatever emotions or longings motivated the decision to conceive the babies, it was not love.

For that, I got the usual: Hateful, judgmental bigot. No surprise. I was also informed that what I really meant was that homosexuals are not even capable of love.

The only moral outrage to be found was that two gay men were being prevented from legally adopting the other's child. Not one other person in the thread was the least bit concerned about two babies being purposely denied their mother. The boys will have two dads, and that's good enough.

I don't think it is. Not at all. Not even close.

I couldn't believe I was actually having to argue for the necessity of a mother in a child's life! How is it that we've convinced ourselves that mothers are not really needed beyond giving birth? How can we seriously believe that children do not require a mother? Yet that was the argument. The boys have two dads, so they'll be just fine. They are lucky to be so wanted, so loved. Lucky?!?

To be so loved...Except that love doesn't do that. Love doesn't amputate the mother from the baby's life immediately after birth in order to accommodate the sexual preferences of the adult. Love doesn't require the child to sacrifice for the lifestyle of the adult. Love does not tell the child, "You don't really need a mother. You don't get to have your mother." Love does not presume that the child won't feel the loss, and won't suffer because of it.

"Love wills the good of the other," I said. (Actually, St. Thomas Aquinas said.) "Love puts the other first. None of the adults involved in creating these babies put them first."

Sound harsh? It should. I think it's pretty harsh that kids are being made to order, to satisfy the wants of specialty couples who think it's their prerogative to deprive a child of either mother or father, depending on their own sexual inclination. It's extremely harsh that children are being required to forfeit their natural, healthy, undeniable need for both parents, mother AND father.

Frankly, it isn't good enough that children are "wanted." That's the lingo and the philosophy of our contraception and abortion culture. 'Every child a wanted child,' and all that bull. That just means that children are things we acquire when we want to, and dispose of when we don't want them. It's centered only on the desires of the adults, without regard for the inherent worth of the child or his inviolable rights.

That's not love. That's not how children are to be treated. Wanting a child isn't the standard. Clearly, these two men wanted a baby. They went to the trouble and expense to find a surrogate, and manufacture some embryos, and they were blessed with two healthy boys. They got what they wanted.

The real mother in Solomon's court proved her love and her authenticity by choosing to suffer the pain of losing her baby, rather than let any harm come to him. She sought his good over her own, fully expecting terrible heartache for herself. That's how love wills the good of the other.

Anyone truly devoted to the good of a child will not create by design a motherless or fatherless home for that child. Doing so causes great harm. And we're not talking about harm brought about by unavoidable, unforeseen tragedy. This is planned and inflicted on purpose.

What about their mother? She chose this harm as well. She's not a victim here. In fact, she may not even be only one person! She's what is now being called a "gestational carrier" and she may be carrying an embryo(s) created with a donor egg(s). Ugh -- can we possibly find a more degrading way to treat a woman? The battle for equality for women has led us to this? Women being used for their wombs and their biological functions?

That's the best case we can make for motherhood anymore? It's just the physical process of gestation and childbirth? But beyond that, well, moms aren't really necessary? How horrifying! And how ironic -- decades ago the fight was to be valued for more than only mothering; now the battle has to be for the irreplaceable, pricelessness of a mother!

Assuming the mother is even mentioned on the child's birth certificate, how will she be named? "Donor egg, incubated and grown by gestational carrier"? She's nameless, faceless, and entirely missing.

And of course, the one who suffers the most is the child. Always the child. The child is ordered up, the product of a contract, bought and sold, and delivered like a piece of property. But it's all dressed up in the language of wants and wishes and emotions, with a lovely baby shower and breathless oohs and ahhs, so surely it's all wonderful.

No one is entitled to a child. Even married couples are not entitled to children. They have no right to expect that they will be given the gift of a child. They pray for children, and remain open to them in their marriage, but there's no entitlement. You don't walk up to the Giver of Life and insist He give you what you want. You don't demand a gift. It's a gift.

Children are the fruit of marriage for a reason. It's God's wise and perfect design that the love of husband and wife is ordered toward the creation of new life. He certainly could have designed it differently, but He obviously felt that both mother and father are necessary, and that children require the presence of both their parents.

The increasing frequency of babies being manufactured through surrogacy and then delivered to same-sex couples is alarming and heartbreaking. I can think of nothing more selfish than for adults to deliberately deprive a child they claim to love of her fundamental need and genuine right to be raised by her own mother and father because their sexual preference precludes it. It is a perversion of the family unit. It's an injustice to the child.

Fathers are not mothers, and mothers are not fathers. They are not interchangeable. They are both essential for the well-being of a child, far beyond pregnancy and birth. That's not just idealistic or old-fashioned dreaming. It's common-sense reality; it's moral truth; it's natural law; it's justice.

But it requires thinking, not merely acting on feelings. It requires considering the needs of another ahead of your own sometimes. It requires sacrificing what you may want in order to give the other what is truly right and just.

Our culture is so obsessed with making the case for same-sex "marriage" that now, astonishingly, sane people have to actually make the case for mothers and fathers.  We've elevated sexual preferences and wants high above the needs of our children. Whatever else you may call it, it's not love.

-----

Jennifer Hartline is a grateful Catholic, a proud Army wife and mother of four children. She is a contributing writer for Catholic Online. Visit her online at Wake Up, Deborah!

---


'Help give every student and teacher Free resources for a world-class moral Catholic education'


Copyright 2017 - Distributed by THE CALIFORNIA NETWORK

Pope Francis Prayer Intentions for DECEMBER 2016
Universal:
End to Child-Soldiers: That the scandal of child-soldiers may be eliminated the world over.
Evangelization: Europe: That the peoples of Europe may rediscover the beauty, goodness, and truth of the Gospel which gives joy and hope to life.



Comments


More U.S.

'I could have been arrested...' - Nebraska law forcing nuns to remove habits in schools sparks controversy Watch

Image of Nuns are not allowed to wear habits in Nebraska schools.

By (CNA/EWTN News)

Sister Madeleine Miller's efforts to substitute teach in a Nebraska public school ran afoul of a century-old law that left her bewildered - and prompted the state legislature to take another look at the law's dark past. Lincoln, NE (CNA/EWTN News) - "I was just ... continue reading


Meth cook and devil worshiper attacks mother then leaves her for dead with demon king's name written on her chest Watch

Image of Chase Wall attacked his mother and left her for dead with a demon king's name scrawled across her chest.

By Kenya Sinclair (CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

Chase Wall, a 33-year-old occult-obsessed meth addict, was arrested after beating his mother, stealing her car and leaving her for dead with a demon's name inscribed on her bloody chest. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - Wall's 66-year-old mother was discovered in a ... continue reading


Amazing discovery in Canada reveals one man's controversial claim was TRUE Watch

Image of Evidence of stone tools used on a horse's jaw means humans arrived in North America thousands of years earlier than previously believed.

By Kenya Sinclair (CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

Researchers at the Université of Montréal (UdeM) in Canada made an important discovery this year, changing a key element of North American history. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - New research suggests humans first traveled to North America 24,000 ... continue reading


When one Bible isn't enough, use two! Trump to take oath with TWO Holy Bibles Watch

Image of Donald Trump will be sworn into office using two Bibles.

By Kenya Sinclair (CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

Donald Trump will be sworn into office on January 19. At that time, he will have not one but two Bibles - one of which will be pulled from the Library of Congress collection to commemorate the special event. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - Donald Trump will be ... continue reading


Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Pro-Life Christian Leader and Hero Watch

Image of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Christian Leader

By Deacon Keith Fournier

On January 27, 2017, the annual March for Life will take place once again in Washington, DC. On January 16th we commemorate a great Christian and Human Rights Leader, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He was assassinated in 1968 for defending the fundamental truth of ... continue reading


Pope Francis cited in one bishop's call for change - Will it help? Watch

Image of Pope Francis has been calling for help on behalf of immigrants for years.

By Kevin Jones (CNA/EWTN News)

The upcoming inauguration of President-elect Donald Trump has raised questions about the future of immigration reform, but the nation's Catholic bishops remain hopeful. Washington D.C. (CNA/EWTN News) - "We also find it important that we engage the present incoming ... continue reading


'The Greatest Show on Earth' to pack up for the last time after 146 years Watch

Image of The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Baily Circus will close after 146 years (Todd Hesler).

By Nikki Crawford (CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Baily Circus announced they would be closing up shop for the final time this May after 146 years of bringing magic to families across the country. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - Everyone knows the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & ... continue reading


Christianity on the decline under Obama, pop media, and atheist persecution Watch

Image of A church is burned in full-scale effigy at the Burning Man festival, an expression of pop culture.

By David Drudge (CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

Atheism and agnosticism gained a boost during Obama's presidency as the number of people claiming no religious affiliation rose during his administration. LOS ANGELES, CA (California Network) - The Pew Research Center has released a report which states, "When it comes ... continue reading


Catholic hospital under fire for practicing religious freedoms Watch

Image of A Catholic hospital may be forced to compromise its religious rights.

By Kevin J. Jones (CNA/EWTN News)

A Catholic hospital faces an anti-discrimination lawsuit for cancelling a surgery to remove a uterus from a female who identifies as a man. The surgery was meant to treat gender dysphoria. Paterson, NJ (CNA/EWTN News) - "This case involves whether a Catholic hospital ... continue reading


Why does the Catholic University of America have a collection of over 600 Ethiopian magic scrolls? Watch

Image of Hundreds of Ethiopian religious scrolls now reside in Washington D.C.

By Adelaide Mena (CNA/EWTN News)

With a recent gift of more than 600 handmade leather manuscripts, the Catholic University of America is now home to one of the most important collections of Ethiopian religious manuscripts in the United States. Washington D.C. (CNA/EWTN News) - The collection includes ... continue reading


All U.S. News

Newsletters

Newsletter Sign Up icon

Stay up to date with the latest news, information, and special offers

Subscribe to Catholic OnlineYouTube Channel

Daily Readings

Reading 1, Hebrews 7:25--8:6
25 It follows, then, that his power to save those who come to God through ... Read More

Psalm, Psalms 40:7-8, 8-9, 10, 17
7 then I said, 'Here I am, I am coming.' In the scroll of the book it is ... Read More

Gospel, Mark 3:7-12
7 Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the lakeside, and great crowds ... Read More

Saint of the Day

Saint of the Day for January 19th, 2017 Image

St. Fillan
January 19: Fillan, son of Feriach and St. Kentigerna, was ... Read More