Skip to content
Catholic Online Logo

By Tara K. E. Brelinsky

3/12/2013 (2 years ago)

Catholic Online (

In The Evening Come Tears, But With The Dawn Cries Of Joy

Well, as my turn grew closer, I scrambled in my brain to think of what grace I wanted or more properly needed. Patience? Humility? Purity? Charity? Courage! That's what I needed, courage. I needed the courage to stand up before those holy women and deliver my talk without my knees knocking together, without tears blinding my eyes, without choking on the words I'd written. So, when my turn came, I told them who I was, where I came from and announced that courage was my goal.


By Tara K. E. Brelinsky

Catholic Online (

3/12/2013 (2 years ago)

Published in Living Faith

Keywords: joy, courage, retreat, pregnancy, fear, spiritual life, Tara K. E. Brelinsky

ZEBULLON, NC (Catholic Online) - This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking to a group of wonderful women at a retreat. My topic was "Finding Streams of Living Water in the Desert" and I was incredibly humbled by the myriad of ways we saw and felt God's presence throughout our time together.

Shortly after we'd arrived on Friday night, gathered around in a circle, we had the task of asking for a particular grace we hoped to gain from our time away. Each in turn, we introduced ourselves and we shared our heart's desire. Patience was top on the list of many women, but I know better than to pray for that grace, because God has given me AMPLE opportunities to exercise that virtue (starting about five minutes after my eyes open most mornings).

Well, as my turn grew closer, I scrambled in my brain to think of what grace I wanted or more properly needed. Patience? Humility? Purity? Charity? Courage! That's what I needed, courage. I needed the courage to stand up before those holy women and deliver my talk without my knees knocking together, without tears blinding my eyes, without choking on the words I'd written. So, when my turn came, I told them who I was, where I came from and announced that courage was my goal.

At 10:00am the next morning, I stood up before that room of women, ignoring the lump of fear that had whelmed up in my chest, and I spoke. I shared my testimony, my desert story and I did so without a tear (okay one tried to escape early on). Success, you might conclude. Less than twenty-four hours after my arrival, my prayer had been successfully answered.

But than that good God of ours, that all knowing, all loving, all wise Father knows me far better than I even know myself. While I just scrape the surface of my heart, He reads the very depths.

My speaking hour over, I was able to really relax, to fully enter into retreat. I enjoyed listening to the other women, gained lots of inspiration and laughed along the way. I rested my body and soaked in the excitement of so much time among grown-ups. 

My pregnant belly fully exposing my "condition," I got to share news of our expected little one: the due date, the names we're contemplating, the fact that we're not finding out the sex, etc. With a handful of nursing couples (mama and baby) in attendance, I got to cuddle a few tiny bodies and nuzzle a few soft cheeks when a spare pair of arms was needed now and again. Those privileged moments led me to dream about the day when my own sweet-smelling newborn will be suckling at my breast. 

A friend passed on a borrow infant car seat that her daughter has out-grown and we chatted about what other baby supplies might be missing from my mama arsenal. Would I sling or wrap? Would a single or double stroller fit the bill?

The weekend passed too quickly, as does most time spent in the company of friends. 

As the retreat wound down, we circled around again and took an inventory of sorts. This time we were to reflect on whether or not the grace we'd prayed for had been made manifest during our withdrawal from our busy lives. 

Now I stated early on that I'd been graced with the courage to deliver my talk without much faltering or weeping, but as my turn approached that answer seemed too shallow. Rarely at a loss for words, I took a pass and said I still needed time to process.

Listening to each woman share her grace, something began to stir up inside of me like a neat pile of settled leaves gets churned up by a strong wind. 

For the last 18 weeks of this pregnancy, I'd been cautious, calculated in my thoughts, my dreams, my emotions (oh well, except for that overwhelming anxiety). Scarred by previous losses, I was afraid to feel joy, to completely embrace the excitement of planning, to dare to dream about our future. It felt safer to hold back, like it might hurt less if I steeled my heart for the worst.

To give credit to my husband, he'd gently admonished me to savor this pregnancy, to soak in the memories being made each day. Of course, that was easier said than done.

But as each beautiful woman took her turn, the Spirit peeled away my scales. Like a zap from an electrical shock, my grace jolted my mind. Indeed, I had been blessed with courage, but the courage extended far beyond my Saturday morning discourse. God had given me the courage to feel joy, unrestrained, unmeasured joy! He broke through the protective barrier I'd set up around my heart and, with that wall breeched, a flood of pure joy poured in.

Monday's readings spoke directly to me, reaffirmed His Presence, His work in my heart. Psalm 30 instructs: Yahweh, my God, I cried to you for help and you healed me. Make music for Yahweh, all you who are faithful to him, praise his unforgettable holiness. His anger lasts but a moment, his favour through life; In the evening come tears, but with dawn cries of joy. Carefree, I used to think, 'Nothing can ever shake me!' You have turned my mourning into dancing, you have stripped off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. So my heart will sing to you unceasingly, Yahweh, my God, I shall praise you for ever.

We all spend time camped in the desert, but let's not allow those times of trial to harden our hearts. For the Lord hears our cries, He knows our need and He provides. Keep your hearts soft and take courage, joy is on the way!

Tara K. E. Brelinsky is a home schooling mother of seven living children, with six more heavenly ones who intercede (and a little soul expected to arrive in August). Married to her childhood sweetheart, they make their home in North Carolina where they teach Natural Family Planning, grow a garden, raise two dogs, a cat, a fish, ducks, roosters and a flock of hens (in addition to all those wonderful kids). Tara studied journalism a lifetime ago in college, but now she writes simply for the the glory of God. You can read more of her musings and inspirations on her blog "Blessing In Brelinskyville" (www.


Pope Francis: end world hunger through 'Prayer and Action'

Copywriter 2015 - Distributed by THE NEWS CONSORTIUM

Pope Francis Prayer Intentions for October 2015
That human trafficking, the modern form of slavery, may be eradicated.
Evangelization: That with a missionary spirit the Christian communities of Asia may announce the Gospel to those who are still awaiting it.


More Living Faith

'I HAVE GIVEN YOU FULL WARNING.' Dark Days - Did Pope Francis just predict the END OF THE WORLD? Watch

Image of

By Marshall Connolly, Catholic Online (CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

Pope Francis has invoked Mark, Chapter 13 as a warning that we may be approaching the end times. He suggested that what he has seen appears to fit the end times as described by Jesus. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - Pope Francis has warned that we could be in the ... continue reading

Unbelievable exorcisms: Why is everyone obsessed with them? Watch

Image of Sixty-eight percent of Americans believe in the presence of angels and demons (The Possession).


Despite the growing belief that religion is losing its influence, people continue to firmly believe in the necessity for exorcisms. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - According to a Pew Research Survey, 68 percent of Americans believe angels and demons exist on Earth. ... continue reading

Come together this Thanksgiving with a beautiful prayer Watch

Image of Each year thousands of families celebrate Thanksgiving, but make the food their priority. This year, make God and all He has given us your priority.


Each year, millions of people across the United States rush to grocery stores and prepare to visit their families in celebration of Thanksgiving. Visiting loved ones and enjoying a specially prepared meal are both wonderful parts of celebrating, but don't forget to ... continue reading

Pope Francis: Jesus is weeping over a WORLD AT WAR

Image of Pope Francis mourns a world at war.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

Pope Francis has made it clear, Jesus is weeping over a world at war. It has become obvious that this is a time of extreme danger for all people around the globe. No population is safe from terror. The threats aren't just from terrorist organizations like ISIS and Al ... continue reading

Oxford to begin study of Catholic relics. Here are 5 macabre relics people venerate from around the world Watch

Image of The skull of St. Thomas Aquinas.


The veneration of relics in the Catholic Church has been one of the most debated practices in the faith. While such veneration is actually common in the human experience -even Communists did it with the body of Lenin, the veneration of relics in the Church is the ... continue reading

Nine bishops, one abbot, dine and dialogue with peace activists Watch

Image of

By Tony Magliano

During the recent U.S. Catholic bishops' fall assembly in Baltimore, several bishops and one abbot, decided to skip dinner at the downtown Marriott Waterfront hotel, and walked several blocks to an inner city parish to share a simple meal with about 30 peace ... continue reading

Woman turns her cancer over to Jesus Christ - survives, thrives Watch

Image of Heather King shares her struggles in her new memoir,

By Mary Rezac, CNA/EWTN News

Heather King never cared much for doctors. Los Angeles, CA (CNA) - It's an attitude she partly inherited from her mother, "who classified ginger ale as a medicine, considered Novocain a snobbish extravagance" and somehow managed to avoid a visit to the doctor's office ... continue reading

Top 5 ways to find joy Watch

Image of Find happiness in spite of the darkness.


It is easy to fall prey to depression and sadness with everything that has been going on in the world these days. The trick to maintaining a positive attitude and living in the joy God has for us is as easy as following five simple steps. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic ... continue reading

Want to lose the War on Christmas? Surrender Advent Watch

Image of What millions of Christians do a day after expressing thanks for what they already have.

By Marshall Connolly, Catholic Online (THE CALIFORNIA NETWORK)

Want to lose the War on Christmas? Surrender Advent. We Christians have gone out of our minds, arguing about Starbucks cups and greeters who (correctly) say "Happy Holidays" in place of "Merry Christmas." In all the bustle of the season, we have forgotten that Advent ... continue reading

The one easy thing you can do everyday that will profit your faith

Image of Reading Catholic Online every day can provide you with the Catholic outlook on the world you need.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

There is one thing you can do every day that will profit you in many ways. It requires no work and the most minimal effort. It will inform you, inspire you, and ignite your passions. That thing is to visit Catholic Online every day. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - ... continue reading

All Living Faith News


Newsletter Sign Up icon

Stay up to date with the latest news, information, and special offers

Subscribe to Catholic OnlineYouTube Channel

the FEED
by Catholic Online

  • St. Eligius: Saint of the Day for Tuesday, December 01, 2015
  • Pope Francis does the unthinkable following emotional tragedy in ...
  • Opium, heroin or cocaine: What drug is YOUR country known for?
  • Parents' Prayer For Their Children HD Video
  • 'Body lifted from the ground': Young Central American woman dies ...
  • Prayer For Faith HD Video
  • Daily Readings for Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Daily Readings

Reading 1, Isaiah 11:1-10
1 A shoot will spring from the stock of Jesse, a new shoot will grow from ... Read More

Psalm, Psalms 72:1, 7-8, 12-13, 17
1 [Of Solomon] God, endow the king with your own fair judgement, the son ... Read More

Gospel, Luke 10:21-24
21 Just at this time, filled with joy by the Holy Spirit, he said, 'I ... Read More

Saint of the Day

Saint of the Day for December 1st, 2015 Image

St. Eligius
December 1: Eligius (also known as Eloi) was born around 590 ... Read More