OUTRAGEOUS! Overzealous prosecutor seeks death penalty against Punxsutawney Phil!
Has an Ohio prosecutor gone too far?
Punxsutawney Phil may have another date beyond Feb. 2 to worry about. If an Ohio prosecutor gets his way, Punxsutawney Phil may have a date with the chair.
"Let's face it," Gmoser said, "Punxsutawney Phil has let us down. I awoke this morning to a snowstorm, low temperatures, and howling wind."
Despite the start of Spring this week, temperatures remain low across the nation. Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early Spring this year, but that early spring seems far off with snow forecast through the weekend across parts of the Northeast.
So we get it. Punxsutawney Phil gave us an inaccurate forecast - but does that warrant the death penalty?
"You know, Phil lives his life behind bars as it is. This is the only penalty available. Maybe it's time for a Phyllis instead," Gmoser said.
Despite the initial motions by the prosecutor, Punxsutawney Phil is safe in his burrow, protected by a private security detail. Jeffery Lundy, vice president of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club, warned that Gmoser and his henchmen would "have to go through 15 licensed hunters to get to Phil."
Gmoser added that there could be circumstances that could save Phil from the ultimate penalty. "Phil may not know his rear from a hole in the ground. That might make a difference," he said.
Despite the serious implications of the charges filed against him, it is unlikely that Punxsutawney Phil will ever face a judge, or an executioner.
For his part, Gmoser can warm himself with the knowledge that his filing brought amusement across the country, and not just in his office.
© 2014 - Distributed by THE NEWS CONSORTIUM
Pope Francis Prayer Intentions for March 2014
Respect for Women: That all cultures may respect the rights and dignity of women.
Vocations: That many young people may accept the Lordís invitation to consecrate their lives to proclaiming the Gospel.
Rate This Article
Leave a Comment
More U.S. News
- Interview With Cardinal SeŠn Patrick O'Malley Gives Insights into the Heart of Pope Francis
- Deal W. Hudson: Why Social Conservatives Should Become Cultural Conservatives
- CORPORATE SPY: Engineering consultant accused of stealing secrets from DuPont for Chinese
- 24th season of Defending Life Premiered March 5th on EWTN
- Justina Pelletier: Massachusetts DCF Running for Cover Under Legal and Media Pressure
- Matt C. Abbott On a New Book, The Seven Big Myths About Marriage
- Deal Hudson on Culture and the Death of God
- 'Ag gag' bill passes in Idaho; filming at farms now prohibited
- Man becomes first married Catholic priest in the United States with Vatican blessing
- Fr. Paul Schenck: Finding Living Faith on Catechetical Sunday
- The Movie Yellow: Incest as 'Normal' and Cassavates's Slides Into the World of Woes
- The Chicago School Teachers Strike Reveals the Need For School Choice
- The Sexual Barbarians and the Dissolution of Culture
- The Happy Priest Challenges Us to Ask: Who is Jesus to Me?
- Michael Coren on Canadian Public Schools: Teachers, leave those kids alone
- We Cannot Ignore Our Consciences: Cardinal Dolan On Religious Liberty
- In the Face of Danger, Successor of Peter Travels to Lebanon as a Messenger of Peace
- Reflections on the Dignity and Vocation of Women: Who or What?