The first thing to do, once you get engaged, is to call the parish church and notify the pastor of your intent to marry in the Catholic Church. Most U.S. dioceses require six-months’ notice before a couple can marry. Other dioceses require a longer period. This is meant to ensure sufficient preparation time for engaged couples on building a faith-centered life together. Some individual churches, though, are extremely popular for weddings, so early notification can help you get the wedding date you’d hoped for.

The next step comes in following parish and diocesan marriage preparation guidelines. Ask the priest at your parish what the guidelines are. Get a copy of them if they’re available in print. Then follow them – well, religiously.

Virtually every diocese wants couples to show to the priest that they have completed some kind of sacramental preparation program. They go by the names of Engaged Encounter, Pre-Cana Course (named from the wedding where Jesus worked his first public miracle) or other retreat-style monikers. Some last an entire day, some two days or a full weekend, and others are conducted over a series of days or evenings.

This kind of preparation may be different in scope, but similar in nature, to the preparation parents and godparents make for an infant's baptism, that children make for first confession, first Communion and confirmation, and that adults entering the church undertake in the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults.

An important checklist step involves the wedding liturgy itself. A Catholic wedding is a public declaration of the couple’s love for one another and their commitment to be faithful in marriage “as long as we both shall live.” While the vows are taken by bride and groom, everyone in the church, from guests to altar servers, are witnesses to this declaration.

It’s good to make decisions jointly. As one couple told authors Gertrud Mueller Nelson and Christopher Witt for their book “A Wedding With Spirit”: “We couldn’t do one of those `traditional weddings’ where the bride and her folks do all the work, make all the decisions and pay all the bills. Those days are over.”

Speak with the parish music director about appropriate music both before and during the ceremony. Parish musicians have extensive experience with weddings and know what works and what doesn’t. For a wedding Mass, focus on songs the entire assembly can sing. There is no shortage of good songs that speak of God’s love for us that couples can take to heart.

Friends who are skilled singers or musicians may be able to share in the day by taking an active role in the wedding music, but don’t merely presume that they know a certain song or that the music director won’t mind at all if they step in. Consultation and collaboration go a long way here – and it’s good practice for married life too.

And for friends rendering professional services, a fee or gratuity is in order; it’s better to have them refuse payment than to risk insulting them by not paying.

In addition to music, there are readings to be selected. A priest can give you a booklet containing several choices for Old Testament, New Testament and Gospel readings that can be proclaimed, as well as responsorial psalms to be sung. Engaged couples can further involve friends by asking them to proclaim one of the readings or the general intercessions following the wedding vows. Other friends may be able to serve as distributors of holy Communion. It’s maybe even be possible to select altar servers!

The sooner you get to work on your checklist, the sooner you can complete it.

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Pattison is media editor at Catholic News Service.