Natural Family Planning: One Man's Beautiful Testimony

7/23/2012

(Page 2 of 2)

Comparing this chart to her previous 3 years worth of charts, I couldn't find a single instance where this had occurred. Usually with this kind of a dip, the temperature goes really low and then the next day it shifts up and stays high because after ovulation occurs, the progesterone becomes the dominant hormone which causes the basal temperature to rise higher than the pre-ovulation temperatures and stays high until the next cycle is about to start.

I was wondering why I was seeing this weird anomaly in my wife's chart when it occurred to me as I was getting ready for bed. She was trying to ovulate but it wasn't happening because she was probably stressed, which as all women know, can cause you to have a longer cycle.

So as she laid in bed I asked my wife, "how are you?" It's a very open ended question that I learned from taking psychology, is meant to get somebody to start talking about what is affecting them. She replied, "I hate my job." And it wasn't the words that she said, but how pained and sad she sounded when she answered me. The next morning she told me she couldn't sleep because all of the things that stressed her about her job was on her mind.

She had mentioned things here and there in the weeks leading up to that question. But even she didn't realize how much it was negatively affecting her until I asked about it.

I knew my wife was in a low place, and what's more, I realized that for months she had been giving me hints and clues about this struggle she was having, and I hadn't noticed.

The next day, I made sure to make the bed (because I don't always do that). I left work early and stopped by Crave Cupcakes (super delicious and expensive cupcakes). I bought some flowers, and wrote my wife a letter telling her how much I love her and what a great teacher she is.

I left everything on the bed, because I knew she would be stressed and usually wants to take a nap when she gets home from work.

In addition to all of this, I took out the trash, cleaned the living room, and washed the dishes. (Whew!).

While all of these acts didn't solve my wife's problems, it did give her emotional support and confidence; and it gave me a chance to do what a husband is supposed to do: make his wife feel how much she is loved by her husband.

There is another benefit to all of this too; her body got to ovulating and for those of us who practice NFP, this meant we could make love without having to worry about getting pregnant while we try and get out of debt frist.

Some people today think of NFP as the rhythm method, but we in NFP circles refer to it as "Russian roulette."

Today's NFP uses so much science and there are different methods using the same fertility signs so we even have reliable options now.

I never expected NFP would help me understand what is really going on with my wife. The truth is, had we not been charting, I would have never asked what was going on, and months down the road my wife would feel like I was out of touch with her needs, and she would feel alone. I know this from the experiences we've gone through in marriage.

I learned NFP because I was willing to think outside the box, in a way that is different from those members in society who are failing in marriage so my wife and I could have the best chances of staying married until death do us part.

I learned NFP because I was assured that it works. I didn't expect it would help our marriage the way it has, but you won't hear me complain. Nor will you hear my wife complain. Now if I could just do a better job of making the bed EVERY morning!!!

My name is James, and I use NFP because it helps keep me out of the dog house, and in bed with my wife, where I belong.

-----
James and Whitney Cueva live in Houston, TX where they teach Natural Family Planning, RCIA, and Engaged Encounter. They have been happily married for two years and enjoy sharing God's love and hope for the Sacrament of Marriage and their rewarding experience of practicing Natural Family Planning in their lives. If you have questions about Natural Family Planning you can reach them via email at NFPJames@yahoo.com or on twitter @NFPJames.

- - -

Pope Benedict XVI's Prayer Intentions for January 2013
General Intention: The Faith of Christians. That in this Year of Faith Christians may deepen their knowledge of the mystery of Christ and witness joyfully to the gift of faith in him.
Missionary Intention: Middle Eastern Christians. That the Christian communities of the Middle East, often discriminated against, may receive from the Holy Spirit the strength of fidelity and perseverance.

Keywords: Marriage, Natural Family Planning, husband, wife, divorce, NFP

NEWSLETTERS »

Previous Page 1 | 2

Rate This Article

Was this helpful to you? Very Helpful Somewhat Helpful Not Helpful at All

Would you be interested in more articles like this? Yes, I am Interested No, I am not Interested

Rate Article

1 - 10 of 14 Comments

Lori Tijerina
6 months ago
I need help, my daughter in law just spent $5,000 on a procedure because she wants to
have another child but has not been able to get pregnant. How can NFP help her and
my son to get pregnant.

My son and his wife have a son that is 3 years old, they also had trouble getting pregnant
with my grandson. It took a couple of years for my daugther in law to get pregnant she
is in her early 40's.
nfpjames
9 months ago
Thanks for all the wonderful comments on this post. I was surprised to discover that a few commenters seemed to know my wife, myself, and our marriage better than my wife and I seem to. I can assure you guys, I'm not neglecting my wife and our communication is one of our greatest strengths in our marriage. It just so happened that during this particular month she was trying to put on a brave face and she wasn't even letting herself acknowledge just how stressed she was. But in the defense of some comments, NFP is not a magic wand, and it doesn't automatically make people better husbands and wives. NFP is just a tool to help with that and I was simply sharing how much it has helped us. Oh, and my wife's love language is Physical Touch. Her secondary love language is Gift Giving. Mine, on the other hand, is Acts of Service and I highly recommend the Five Love Languages if anybody here hasn't read it. Great book. --NFPJames
Elysha
9 months ago
Great article! My husband and I have been using NFP, and it has accurately provided us with two pregnancies (though one child did not live, sadly) exactly when we attempted a pregnancy. It is a wonderful method that I think too many couples dismiss. The side benefits, like the one you describe here, are far more beneficial than we can articulate to couples using BC, or other methods. Thank you for sharing!
Beth
9 months ago
Marie D. - I think you expressed a lot of wisdom in your post, however, there are many positive aspects of NFP that are very much in line with what the Church teaches. It is possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason - a couple could use contraceptives because of a serious health or financial situation. It is also possible to do the right thing for the wrong reason - a couple could use NFP to postpone a pregnancy because they would rather drive a fancier car than have more children. The Church teaches that both the ends and the means must be moral. Therefore, if a couple has discerned with sincerity that it is best to avoid a pregnancy, then using NFP is appropriate. It is important that others do not judge, because one can never tell from the outside looking in what factors are influencing the couple's decision. One misunderstanding people often have is the use of the word "grave" to describe the situations in which it is acceptable to postpone a pregnancy. This is a poor translation of the Latin in Humanae Vitae, because in English the word "grave" carries a very strong - i.e., life or death - connotation. Janet Smith offers a compelling argument that a better interpretation would be "weighty" or "just". In other words, the reasons cannot be trivial or selfish. Looking at our own family, one could easily assume that we could welcome plenty more children than the three that we have. People mostly get hung up on whether a family has enough money to have more children - and we do. But for reasons I care not to discuss in an online forum - or with most of my friends and family, for that matter - we are postponing another pregnancy for the time being. And at my age, it's unlikely to be a possibility for very much longer. But I am confident (as confident as one may be, possessing only human knowledge) that this is in the best interests of our family, and we are obedient to what the Church teaches in achieving that end. I agree that we should trust God more than many of us do - but each child comes with his/her own set of needs and each family's situation is different, and for me using NFP has been a way of trusting God because I am honoring the way He made my body, and my husband and I are honoring his plan for human sexuality in our physical intimacy. The author of this article mentioned that he and his wife are working toward getting out of debt before they have children. This is a worthy goal. Some may disagree whether it is necessary, but perhaps this couple's debt is a serious problem for them. Perhaps it would prevent them from doing what they legitimately feel is best for their child(ren) - for example, having the mother stay home after the baby is born, or sending their children to Catholic school, or saving for college. In any case, I know many faithful Catholic families with more than 3 children, and they have all used NFP to space their children. I believe God has had a hand in the development of NFP methods, such that their effectiveness has improved right alongside the effectiveness of contraceptive methods. To me, this fact alone seems more than coincidental or "neutral".
Teresa (Kelly) Klemme
10 months ago
I agree with John. My husband can tell when I'm stressed without seeing my charts get wonky. And you should be romancing your wife all the time, not just when it might lead to physical intimacy.
Deanna
10 months ago
Love it! Congratulations to your wife for having a great husband and congratulations to you for being so responsive to her and strong enough to use nfp and use it also to improve the quality of your marriage!
June1111
10 months ago
Jealous... LOL! This was an amazing article! God Bless both of you (and any future children).

@John: Serious communication breakdown? You might be reading into the article a little too much. Sometimes, people do need to open up and share a little more than what others are used to in order to educate those who really have no idea what NFP is about. I thought this was a pretty unique perspective on Natural Family Planning. You hear so much about how it benefits the marriage but to actually see an example really helped. :)
Dan
10 months ago
I agree with John, who posted recently. If you haven't heard of the '5 Love Languages' by Dr. Champman, I recommend finding information about that - it sounds like your wife may communicate love through "Acts of Service"?

To continue off of John's point, NFP is for planning HEALTHY families, naturally. There are MANY good things that result from using NFP, i.e. communication but that is not its purpose.

I believe, the HEART of NFP is grow closer to God as a married man and woman and to grow closer to one another, which is the sole reason my wife and I practice NFP.

God Bless
Terri K
10 months ago
NFP is conducive to better communication for sure!

I just want to add that my husband and I had a lot of trouble with the sympto-thermal method. We used ecological breastfeeding successfully to space children, but that's pretty limited. My longest infertile period with breastfeeding was 15 months. We finally found a method that works for us. We have been using the Marquette Method for about six months now and it's an answer to our prayers, particularly in the breastfeeding/return of fertility time after a baby. Couples need to know that there are several vetted methods of NFP available. Unfortunately, nobody on the diocesan level where I live knows anything about Marquette Method. I found it online. That's a shame. I'm trying to spread the word.

God bless you and your wife, James. May the good Lord grant you children and a long, happy marriage.
MarieD
10 months ago
You sound like a very sweet and attentive husband. Congratulations on 2 years married. My husband and I used NFP for awhile. Then we realized we were using it to NOT have a baby. It was contraception the natural way. I was very bothered that this was not the right attitude and sought my priest's advice in the confessional. Sadly, I was chastised for feeling the way I felt. Ultimately, I could no longer really enjoy my husband because he was always reminding me it was a "green" day or a "red" day. I felt like an experiment and not a wife. Finally, after much prayer and contemplation, we found a traditional priest and had a chat. We abandoned NFP completely after realizing that we needed to trust God more and science less. Now we are the parents of 7 amazing children, 4 of whom absolutely would not exist if we had continued to practice NFP. I know that Catholics believe that NFP is morally acceptable, but it is actually not. It is, at best, morally NEUTRAL and at worst, quite sinful. You sound like a wonderful man and your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. Perhaps, one day, you both will re-examine the NFP issue and just welcome a few babies. May God bless you. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. St. Monica and St. Gerard, pray for us.

Prev12 Next

Comments submitted must be civil, remain on-topic and not violate any laws including copyright. We reserve the right to delete any comments which are abusive, inappropriate or not constructive to the discussion.

Though we invite robust discussion, we reserve the right to not publish any comment which denigrates the human person, undermines marriage and the family, or advocates for positions which openly oppose the teaching of the Catholic Church.

This is a supervised forum and the Editors of Catholic Online retain the right to direct it.

We also reserve the right to block any commenter for repeated violations. Your email address is required to post, but it will not be published on the site.

We ask that you NOT post your comment more than once. Catholic Online is growing and our ability to review all comments sometimes results in a delay in their publication.

Name *

Email *

Comment *

Send me important information from Catholic Online and it's partners. See Sample

Post Comment