Family as Counter-Culture: Why Would You Ever Want a Hubby and a Baby?

By Katie Peterson
9/1/2011
Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

What are you doing to communicate the joys of family life to those around you?

It only takes one example-one saintly person-to make a difference in the lives of many - or maybe even the life of just one. Will you be that pro-marriage, pro-family voice in the real world, drowning out the voices in our secular, postmodern, media-saturated world? How much do you believe in the treasure of the family?

Ms. Katie Peterson is the Communication Manager for Catholics Come Home

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DENVER, Co. (Catholic Online) - I was trapped on the treadmill, eyes fixed on the TV set elevated above me and dumbfounded by the show I found myself watching. It was one of those talk shows-you know, the kind where the hosts and guests spend an hour or so discussing all sorts of "important" topics: celebrity gossip, beauty tips, relationship problems - definitely not my entertainment preference, but perhaps there was a greater reason that I was stuck viewing this show today.

The title of this particular episode really does say it all: "I Don't Need a Hubby or a Baby."

I spent the next hour hearing arguments from a number of women as to why they don't need-or want-a husband and/or children. The irony was that I found their reasons for not wanting marriage and children to be some of the very reasons why I, and other pro-family reasonable people, would indeed want and hope for such a blessing.

"I'm independent. I'm strong. I'm happy. I'm confident."
One of the women on the guest discussion panel explained that she doesn't need a man because, as she put it, "I'm independent. I'm strong. I'm happy. I'm confident!" Last time I checked, most of the married women I know are independent, strong, happy, and confident. In fact, they are often more independent, strong, happy, and confident than many willfully unmarried women. Study after study shows that married people live longer and are, in general, happier than the unmarried.

Furthermore, your spouse is meant to build your confidence and strengthen you beyond the strength of character you could aspire to on your own. Additionally, simply because you are going through life with a teammate is not good reason to assume that your independence died on your wedding day. But it is important to recognize that those who use the term "independence" in this context are not using it in the strictest sense of the word. I would argue that the kind of independence to which they refer could better be defined as: "the freedom to be selfish."

Why do I think this? Another woman, when talking about why she didn't want children and how they would inhibit her independence, explained, "When I grew up, there were a number of us kids, so we were limited in what we could have." This was quite challenging, she added, because she "loved to shop!" Why would she want to sacrifice a few extra pairs of shoes, new blue jeans, or a shiny necklace for additional boxes of Cheerios to feed the kiddos?

"You can get out of a bad marriage. You can't get out of bad kids."
This comment deeply saddened me, though it didn't surprise me, as this mindset is scarily prevalent in our culture today. Understanding this mentality means noticing that our gravely high divorce rates are rather explicable. An unsatisfactory marriage, like any "inconvenient" situation, can just be "gotten out of," right? Kids, on the other hand, you're just stuck with.

Forget the fact that countless parents will tell you that having children was probably the best thing that has ever happened to them. Kids teach parents many virtues in a far more powerful way than they could learn on their own: self-sacrifice, patience, unconditional love, prudence.and the list goes on. But our culture hardly uses the word virtue any more, let alone actively attempt to practice them.agree?

One woman on the panel-praise God-happened to be a wife and mother who was able to testify that her child was an incredible blessing in her life. She was far outnumbered and thus wasn't able to delve too in depth into her positive feelings about motherhood, but I hope that the shred of reality which she breathed into the program was to resound in the ears and thoughts of a few members of the audience after they left the studio or turned the channel that day.

"I knew from the age of ten that I didn't want kids."
Clearly I wasn't a fully mature 10-year-old a little over a decade ago, because I could not have made such a definitive decision about my future and family at the ripe ol' age of T-E-N. But this woman could, and did.She elaborated by discussing her reservations when seriously dating the man who is now her spouse. She said something like, "I must have asked him about 20 times just to make sure he didn't want them either!"

Forming a decisive opinion against bearing children is dangerous. It leaves no room for an open heart, which can come to an eventual understanding of the immense happiness and fulfillment that children bring. It also puts a stifling cap on the full and thriving love that was intended for marriage. Remember, married couples are meant to procreate!

These are just a few of the many devastating implications of this anti-life worldview. Later, the woman said that she is "more of a four-legs-and-a-tail kind of person." Oh, dogs over human ...

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1 - 10 of 11 Comments

john
1 year ago
I'd also like to add that my wife and I were unable to have children..we were blessed with 2 beautiful boys through adoption and I could'nt imagine living life without them and I have no need to remember life before them.And we lived a great life of traveiling around the world,skiing,hiking,touring..now we look forward to doing it with our two little boys as soon as they're old enough.What a selfish nation we have become..just look at any community..growing up...we had so many places for childrens enterainment..now it's all been replaced by things strictly for adults..it seems nobody wants to grow up.It's easy to be strong and confident when your young..but for these people who claim to not need marriage or kids..they will become old and weak..miserable and lonely with no one to lean on and at the mercy of strangers at the end.Scary thought...especially when you have no belief in God.
john
1 year ago
Eventually these people will fade from existence as they will not be replacing themselves.For those who do have children and raise families,we must continue to educate our children in the home..and de-educate them from the liberal mindset that unfortunately has pervaded our school systems.The other thing we can do is pray...and allow and trust that God who is already the victor in this battle will soon come to our aid.I highly doubt that people who are anti-life and anti-family believe in God...so it is our job to pray for their conversion.It is my belief that God is already trying to get their attention by the happenings of this current world today.
A Lady
1 year ago
I've wanted to be married and have children for many, many years. I've prayed daily that God would send my intended my way. I'm involved in a relationship with a good, devout Catholic man however, marriage doesn't seem to be in our future. I've never married and thus have no children. It seems God's plan is that I be involved with young people as a religious ed teacher (middle schoolers!), an aunt, a friend, and a confidant. Yes, I have twinges of regret. But then again, God gave Sarah a child in her old age. Miracles can and do happen!
Desiree' E. Marshall
1 year ago
Im all for marriage and a family. I do however belive that the women should bring somthing to the table as well and Im not talking about a meal. I think its a great idea to pay bills together, share ideas and so forth.
vance
1 year ago
An Excellent article, well written and articulated. This article illustrates a very important fact about the Liberal Establishment. Katie was watching a Liberal Establishment propaganda media outlet. "I don't need a husband or children" has been the mantra of the Liberal Establishment media for decades. Abortion and Anti-Family has been the drum beat of the "Women's Liberation Movement" which is orchestrated by the Liberal Establishment. Sadly, many Catholic women allowed themselves to be duped by the Liberal lies. But it is not entirely their fault because they had no Bishops or priests counter the Liberal Liers at the Pulpit. Worse yet, The Bishops and priests were purveyors of this "Women's Liberation Culture" that propagated anti-family, anti-marriage, and anti-children. The wonderful thing for us today is that we have a Pope and magisterium that is aggressively promoting evangelism and family.
Everett Mann
1 year ago
Wow! Leave it to someone find the "Culture of death" in some people's sentiment to not be married and to not have children. Click over on another page at this website see an Anti-Abortion stance or a Marriage= man and woman not man/ man or woman/woman... Why are Catholics so contradictory? We do not allow priests to marry. Why is the author not decrying that? Why is she not concerned about priests who chose the priesthood so they did not have to marry? What about the young women entering convents? The true live givers tucked away in a convent. Where's the outrage??... Dogs over humans? There are definitely people out there who have no business having children. And, no they are not only drug abusing losers but they are well to do, high 5 figures with nice homes that abuse their kids too. So is it ok for a child to be endlessly abused physically and/or mentally? I am not advocating abortion but many parents out there causing irreparable harm to their children... I would rather the woman not get married and not have children than to have pick up the pieces after years of abuse.
Carlo Razzeto
1 year ago
Marriage and children are the best thing that ever happened to me. It makes me sad that people joke about the "old ball and chain", or how hard raising children is. I find that it's "jokes" like these that sustain and feed this culture of death. Thus my wife and I are very careful not to partake.

God bless, hope you (and all unmarried people with a marriage vocation) find your happyness in a wonderful spouse (with children) as I have. God bless,
Monimac
1 year ago
This really struck a chord with me. My parents were divorced when I was five, and one of the strong messages I got was that children are a huge responsibility, and one that never really ends. My mother worked hard with little help from my dad. I knew her life would have been a lot less stressful if she had not had me. She was a wonderful mom and made me her priority.

From an early age I made it my priority not to ever be a burden to anybody. I put most of my energy, time, money into my business. Someday, I thought, I might like to have a child. But, later when I had a house, a husband, and more financial security. Later, when I had those ducks in a row, it was too late for me to conceive.

As for dogs: they love you, never criticize you like people do, are always happy to see you. They don't want your money, your car, or other stuff you have, just your company. I'd bet there are a lot more people, men and women, who have a similar perspective.

Children are for people who can afford them and who want to have them in their lives. They deserve the best education, all the love in the world, stable family life. Those who can't give that to their kids should wait until they are ready. Children and child rearing are not for everybody..
Jake Allsop
1 year ago
How sad it is to think that these life-denying attitudes get such an airing in the media, and what a joy it is to know that there are people like Katie Peterson ready to speak out against the selfishness that is poisoning our society.
Thank God for Catholic Online - it's a beam of light in a darkening world.
jh
1 year ago
Clearly written. There is nothing like a family. A career outside the home is stimulating and rewarding but does not match the hugs of one's own children. I hope Ms. Peterson meets a very special man who will appreciate her.

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