The Process of Holiness: Sometimes it Hurts to Let Yourself be Loved ‘for Real’
St. Francis de Sales emphasized that every person can learn devotion, practice it and live it, and so make great strides toward holiness
(Icon of St. Francis DeSales) 'Let us be who we are, and be that well, so as to honor the Master Worker, whose handiwork we are'.
CHESAPEAKE, Va. (Catholic Online) - “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
I don’t know whether Margery Williams intended to teach us all a great spiritual lesson through her beloved children’s story, but she certainly did. Sometimes it hurts to let yourself be loved for real. It takes a long time, and you won’t look the same anymore. But once you’ve been loved that way, you don’t mind being hurt or looking shabby.
Such is the process of holiness for us. We’re not supposed to be satisfied to merely believe; we are to pursue holiness. We were never meant to hold private beliefs that are for our own good only. If we will begin to practice devotion, we’ll soon find out what it means to be loved and to be real.
Over four hundred years ago, a very gentle, very wise priest gifted the world with the radical and liberating knowledge that a devout life is for every person, in every state of life. Holiness is not only for those in religious life, he said, but for the married, the king or queen, the servant, the worker, the single person, the politician, the doctor, and so on. St. Francis de Sales opened the door for every soul to learn devotion, to practice it and live it, and so make great strides toward holiness, whatever the vocation.
It begins with love, because love, of course, is the heart of devotion. Love for God and for His will above our own. To freely love God, to be free to follow Jesus in humble obedience, there is first the matter of God’s love for us. As the wise old Skin Horse said, sometimes real love hurts. Jesus simply refuses to love me or you in any way other than for real, and this consuming love warms and burns and purifies; it comes with pain.
The first stab we must endure is the pain of being completely revealed. With no more pretense of hiding anything, we lock eyes with Him and know that He sees all and knows all. A rather intimidating thought, yes? The idea of having no secrets at all, not the smallest bit of knowledge about your self that’s yours alone would be downright terrifying; it would be unbearable if not for the way He loves us.
Yet with everything laid bare before Him, listen to what He says: “I have loved you with an everlasting love… I have called you by name and you are Mine.”
Immediately the anguish of being revealed dissolves in merciful love and a spot of fear is rubbed away. He loved us first, last and always. Despite our weakness and sinfulness, God loves us so much He became one of us and died for us. Settle the matter in your heart once and for all and then firmly resolve to live a holy life. Now it’s time, as they say, to get real.
One of my favorite lessons from St. Francis is this beautifully simple directive: “Let us be who we are, and be that well, so as to honor the Master Worker, whose handiwork we are.” Devotion to God will lead me to my real self, the “me” that God has always intended me to become. The Skin Horse was right about that part, too. We do become. It takes a long time.
Every day that I give myself intentionally to His service out of love, I become more myself. Each time I choose to act quickly to do that thing God asks of me, my devotion grows. Each time I get up after I have failed and do not wallow in discouragement, fear diminishes and love increases. When I decide to practice patience, humility, honesty, gentleness and mercy, my soul makes progress in holiness.
It’s not great or extraordinary things that push us on toward holiness. It is the ordinary, unseen, simple acts of our normal, everyday lives that accomplish this when we perform them willingly, eagerly, simply because He asks. And make no mistake – those everyday actions particular to our state in life, our vocation today, are exactly what He asks of you and me. I can stop looking for a more glamorous or grandiose way of serving Him, because what He asks is that I care for my family and keep my house in order.
St. Francis also reminds us that the pursuit of holiness must be practical. It must transform our thoughts, our attitudes, our actions, and our attributes. Love must change us. It’s the way we become real… and it hurts a little. But once again, the old Skin Horse was right. You don’t mind being hurt when Love is making you real. The hurt becomes sweet to us because as our devotion grows, we only desire more of Him, more of what He wills for us. And spots begin to fade, stitches come loose, sharp edges are softened, and we who would have been easily broken are made strong by Love.
I’ll leave you with these words from St. Francis: “Don’t waste your time dreaming of being someone else. Don’t try to be someone else. Work and pray at being yourself. Be who you are, where you are. Concentrate on the little everyday problems and pains that beset you. Reserve your best efforts; expend your spiritual energy on what is right before you. This is what God asks of you. Listen closely. This is very important – and very misunderstood – for we all prefer to do what is to our personal liking. Very few of us choose duty first, or the will of God. Don’t cultivate someone else’s garden. Grow where you are planted.”
I think St. Francis would have loved The Velveteen Rabbit.
-----
Jennifer Hartline is a Catholic Army wife and stay-at-home mother of three precious kids who writes frequently on topics of Catholic faith and daily living. She is a contributing writer for Catholic Online.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
I don’t know whether Margery Williams intended to teach us all a great spiritual lesson through her beloved children’s story, but she certainly did. Sometimes it hurts to let yourself be loved for real. It takes a long time, and you won’t look the same anymore. But once you’ve been loved that way, you don’t mind being hurt or looking shabby.
Such is the process of holiness for us. We’re not supposed to be satisfied to merely believe; we are to pursue holiness. We were never meant to hold private beliefs that are for our own good only. If we will begin to practice devotion, we’ll soon find out what it means to be loved and to be real.
Over four hundred years ago, a very gentle, very wise priest gifted the world with the radical and liberating knowledge that a devout life is for every person, in every state of life. Holiness is not only for those in religious life, he said, but for the married, the king or queen, the servant, the worker, the single person, the politician, the doctor, and so on. St. Francis de Sales opened the door for every soul to learn devotion, to practice it and live it, and so make great strides toward holiness, whatever the vocation.
It begins with love, because love, of course, is the heart of devotion. Love for God and for His will above our own. To freely love God, to be free to follow Jesus in humble obedience, there is first the matter of God’s love for us. As the wise old Skin Horse said, sometimes real love hurts. Jesus simply refuses to love me or you in any way other than for real, and this consuming love warms and burns and purifies; it comes with pain.
The first stab we must endure is the pain of being completely revealed. With no more pretense of hiding anything, we lock eyes with Him and know that He sees all and knows all. A rather intimidating thought, yes? The idea of having no secrets at all, not the smallest bit of knowledge about your self that’s yours alone would be downright terrifying; it would be unbearable if not for the way He loves us.
Yet with everything laid bare before Him, listen to what He says: “I have loved you with an everlasting love… I have called you by name and you are Mine.”
Immediately the anguish of being revealed dissolves in merciful love and a spot of fear is rubbed away. He loved us first, last and always. Despite our weakness and sinfulness, God loves us so much He became one of us and died for us. Settle the matter in your heart once and for all and then firmly resolve to live a holy life. Now it’s time, as they say, to get real.
One of my favorite lessons from St. Francis is this beautifully simple directive: “Let us be who we are, and be that well, so as to honor the Master Worker, whose handiwork we are.” Devotion to God will lead me to my real self, the “me” that God has always intended me to become. The Skin Horse was right about that part, too. We do become. It takes a long time.
Every day that I give myself intentionally to His service out of love, I become more myself. Each time I choose to act quickly to do that thing God asks of me, my devotion grows. Each time I get up after I have failed and do not wallow in discouragement, fear diminishes and love increases. When I decide to practice patience, humility, honesty, gentleness and mercy, my soul makes progress in holiness.
It’s not great or extraordinary things that push us on toward holiness. It is the ordinary, unseen, simple acts of our normal, everyday lives that accomplish this when we perform them willingly, eagerly, simply because He asks. And make no mistake – those everyday actions particular to our state in life, our vocation today, are exactly what He asks of you and me. I can stop looking for a more glamorous or grandiose way of serving Him, because what He asks is that I care for my family and keep my house in order.
St. Francis also reminds us that the pursuit of holiness must be practical. It must transform our thoughts, our attitudes, our actions, and our attributes. Love must change us. It’s the way we become real… and it hurts a little. But once again, the old Skin Horse was right. You don’t mind being hurt when Love is making you real. The hurt becomes sweet to us because as our devotion grows, we only desire more of Him, more of what He wills for us. And spots begin to fade, stitches come loose, sharp edges are softened, and we who would have been easily broken are made strong by Love.
I’ll leave you with these words from St. Francis: “Don’t waste your time dreaming of being someone else. Don’t try to be someone else. Work and pray at being yourself. Be who you are, where you are. Concentrate on the little everyday problems and pains that beset you. Reserve your best efforts; expend your spiritual energy on what is right before you. This is what God asks of you. Listen closely. This is very important – and very misunderstood – for we all prefer to do what is to our personal liking. Very few of us choose duty first, or the will of God. Don’t cultivate someone else’s garden. Grow where you are planted.”
I think St. Francis would have loved The Velveteen Rabbit.
-----
Jennifer Hartline is a Catholic Army wife and stay-at-home mother of three precious kids who writes frequently on topics of Catholic faith and daily living. She is a contributing writer for Catholic Online.
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What a timely article for me. Thanks Jen!!! It speaks volumes for me right now and I needed this.
Beautiful. I've always loved how St. Francis said to grow where we are planted. It's tempting to try and be what we are not instead of striving to be the best versions of ourselves. God bless!
Another beautiful article, well done Jen and Catholic Online.
A lovely article. Great timing as stated earlier and very provoking to remind us where to set our roots.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is my prayer to find healing to become what I am meant to be. Love is a cross we must bear. Not only in our little families. We are part of a larger one too. It is all for shaping us into what we are to become.
This is just what I needed to read today to help me live my life out of the will of God.
Could you provide the specific citation of the St. Frances quote?
Jennifer, I am a therapist for our AD service members. This was so beautiful & timely for me and several that I work with. Blessings to you! Cathleen
Totally uplifting,and beautiful. Thank You.
thank you
Wonderfully inspiring! As always, God's timing is awesome for me to hear what I need to hear.
thank you holiness is simply the act of love it can touch and warm once heart and strengthen hope
visit www.hillofcrosses.com
Well, done, Jennie. Keep on sharing your faith, your gift of writing.
this was an eye openning,thanks for your wonderful writtings. I enjoyed this very much, as I'm sure alot of other persons did too.thank you, thank you and may God bless you for such great work.
Just what I needed! Thank you!
Most inspiring and timely - just what I needed. Thanks
Most inspiring and timely - just what I needed. Thanks
This is a beautiful article, thank you for sharing it with us!
dear catholic i want u to help those people who dont have sponsor especially ophans
thank u for that inspiring, so beautiful article. it's what i need and i can relate to it.. to what the skin horse said..
the article i just read is very inspirational and i would like to share it with my fellow catholics.
I think the one who wrote those words had already thought about the two commandments: 1.Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. 2.Love your neigbour as love yourself.(Mathew 22:37-39)
In search of supplementing my catechism lesson plan, I found this article to be an excellent message to share with my middle school students. Frankly, it lead me to personally understand a question in me. Thank you for sharing such a grand message of surrendering to Divine Love.
Thank you for this. I just read this and its just what I needed to go through another day. I am going through a very tough time in my marriage which is ending and this is guidance for me. I shared with my husband too via email I hope he reads it. Thank you.
Superb article: I have used it in catechism class and found it inspirational in my own life.