Lord, That I May See

Throughout my entire life I have been curious to see everything going on around me, whether it is a glory of nature or an event involving people. I am naturally both curious and eager and am always trying to see what's going on. I am quite short, too, so there has been a lot of standing on tiptoe and craning my neck.

Had I entered religious life I know that one of my constant faults would have been lack of "custody of the eyes." To lower my gaze in the middle of taking in information would have been a tremendous challenge to my humility and obedience. I want to know everything that is taking place right this minute! I watch the national news every night on one channel and videotape it on another to watch later so I don't miss any details of world events. I have watched the daily parade of events outside my windows for as long as I can remember. Far from feeling like a busybody, however, I simply want to drink in as much as I can of every aspect of this fascinating life. In a public conveyance I insist on a window seat so that I won't miss seeing the people, places and events that are passing by.

In church, too, I want a front row or an aisle seat so that I can see everything. I am always frustrated if a six-footer sits in the pew in front of me since he blocks my unobstructed view of what is happening in the sanctuary and on the altar. I want to see all of every liturgical ceremony, particularly the Mass and most of all the Consecration.

As I child, I was taught to gaze at the Sacred Host when it is elevated and to simply adore or to silently say "my Lord and my God." In doing that, however, I have also noticed from the periphery of my vision that many other people bow their heads at this moment. It further seems that the ones who do this are the people I know are "holy," who are usually at Mass every day and who lead extraordinarily holy lives. This troubles me deeply. I find myself staring very hard at Our Lord, trying to take in that magnificent sight and somehow with both my mind and soul trying to see the "real" Jesus. It's as though if I stare really hard I will be able to see Him better. But who am I to blatantly gawk at Christ? Should I not lower my head as others do in humility and unworthiness? Should I not close my eyes to better contemplate the sacred Presence now on the altar, rather than gaping at him with unveiled, presumptuous eyes? The pious souls are kneeling with bowed, respectful heads and I feel that my eyes are burning holes as I try to penetrate the very Essence of God. Sometimes I wonder if my piercing stare is bold and brazen and my eyes totally unfit to look upon Him, yet "the ear that hears and the eye that sees---the Lord has made them both." (Pr20:12).

And I don't think God minds. The rubrics of the Mass indicate that the celebrant elevate the Host so that all can look upon It with love and adoration. Private meditation has its place but now is the time to see our God with our very own eyes, hidden though He be under the sacramental veils. Ecce Agnus Dei, ecce Homo, ecce Salvator mundi! And as the evangelist tells us, "They will look upon Him whom they have pierced." (Jn19:36) I believe that Christ wants us to look at Him but to do so with clear vision. This has nothing to do with visual acuity, but rather refers to the clarity provided by our hearts. We can stare at the elevated Host and see absolutely nothing, our sight clouded by distraction, indifference or evil. When the mind is far away or the soul dead in sin all the Bach preludes and incense in the world will not enable us to see God as He is or as He comes to us in the miracle of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

Still, I am ashamed sometimes of my searing stare at Him who by His potency should burn my eyes, just as looking at a solar eclipse will destroy the retina without using a piece of smoked glass. Will not He who made that sun as a finite piece of rock be infinitely more potent when looked upon? Gazing at the sun will damage and destroy the eyes, causing blindness. Looking at Our Lord will grant a depth of vision and a new way of seeing everything. It will provide a second sight which will enable us to know clearly what He asks of us and how to follow Him.

Lord, that I may see.

_____________________________

Mary Gay Moore is married with 2 grown children and lives in Va. Beach, VA. She has been a catechist for over 30 years. She holds a B.A. in English Literature from Rosemont (PA) College and is working on an M.A. in Religious Studies from Catholic Distance University.

Contact

Catholic Online
https://www.catholic.org VA, US
Mary Gay Moore - Wife, Mother, Catechist, Grad Student, 757 363-8297

Email

m.g.moore@att.net

Keywords

Vision, Eucharist, Host

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