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'I dreamt of becoming a mother. Now I feel like a murderer' Comments

British mother Hilary Freeman was set to welcome her daughter Elodie into the world - until she learned her child would be disabled and might only live briefly if born. She made the decision to abort her child - and has found no solace ever since. Continue Reading

21 - 30 of 50 Comments

  1. Mary
    2 years ago


    God loves you. I believe you didn't have the support you needed when you made this decision. I will pray for you and invite you to search out Rachel's Vineyard Ministry for women who have survived an abortion. Not sure what it's called overseas. I invite you to consider life in the Catholic Church -- this might not have even have come up for you if you had been under the protection of Christ's Mystical Body here on earth.

    I believe you have a child in heaven looking over you forever - don't let her down by not seeking the best service of the Lord you can live in your remaining time here.

  2. Theresa
    2 years ago

    I am sorry you felt like you had to abort your baby because it was going to die. So many people who get adverse diagnosis are led to believe, as you seem to have been led, that this is an answer to an adverse diagnosis and that somehow you are sparing your child.

    The truth is, abortion is never ok . How wonderful for both you and your baby if you had been able to hold and love her while she was alive and for however period of time God allowed her to be on this earth.

    The situation is heart wrenching, and as I have said before, many truly believe aborting is compassionate for their child. Most however learn in time, that it is never compassionate to kill someone and are left to deal with the aftermath. At Lumina, we offer retreats for those who abort due to an adverse diagnosis, many who felt like you in the beginnings only to realize how wrong they were.

    I pray that when you are able you seek help with others who have gone through a similar experience so that you may heal. It is easy to justify these abortion under false compassion. Abortion is never the answer, but our God is always merciful and forgiving and understands how people can be led to this, but that never makes it right.

    here is some information you may find helpful

  3. Thomas
    2 years ago

    I am not your judge, that is Gods domain. I walk most fridays out side of Planned Parenthood and pray for the souls who die, and the ladies who have to make a decision under great stress. I wish they would not only get an advice from an abortionist but from a clergy. It's not only a life endanger but a soul also. You came here for comfort and solace, which is very understandable, but find little. My advice to you is to find comfort in Our lord, not in man. Only thru Jesus is peace possible. I know in my life when I was in distress, when my parents, wife and friends where not there, Jesus always was, always' even when I sin. One of my favorite bible verses is at the last supper Jesus says, chapter 14 v 27, "Peace I leave with you, my Peace I give you, Not as the world gives you. Do not let your heart be troubled or afraid." Find your Peace Thru the Holy Spirit in the words of Jesus.

  4. Tess
    2 years ago

    Hilary, that must have hurt, to open up about your pain. Thank you so much. I will pray for you and your darling Elodie and I hope that one day, the pain you feel will be easier to bear.

  5. Hilary
    2 years ago

    Thank you Niche, you're a good person.

  6. Evelyn Lowe
    2 years ago

    She made a mistake...have mercy. God, I'm sure, has forgiven her, Maybe she can save others from the same mistake.

    God bless you, Hilary. Go forward in God's love and forgiveness.

  7. Niche
    2 years ago

    I'm a kid. Abortion in any way is wrong, but God forgives through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I have absolutely no desire to say mean things to Hilary, and I sincerely hope I see her in heaven one day.

    What she has or hasn't done won't affect how I feel toward her, I certainly don't hate her, you shouldn't hate anybody except sin and Satan. I love her with a Christian love, because Jesus loves her, and wants to help her. Jesus died so that we could go to heaven.

    Jesus is like a doctor, He heals people who are sick. People who are well do not need a doctor. But seeing as we are all ''sick'' and sinful and our souls unwell, we need Jesus.

    I really hope Hilary has a very nice life, with a relationship with Jesus, and with children, because children are a gift from God. I don't wish evil on her, I think it's mean to do that. I don't agree at all with her actions, but I don't dislike her at all. I promise to pray for you Hilary! And I'm not just saying that, just throwing it in like most people do just to sound nice, I reeeeeally mean it! :)

  8. Hilary
    2 years ago

    Thank you Julia, for having some kindness and Christian compassion, even if we don't share the same values or opinions. As for the rest of you, shame on you for your judgemental attitudes, ignorance and hatred. Especially those of you who hide behind anonymity.
    I would not have aborted a child just because they would be disabled. I did it because my baby was going to DIE. Both my brother and my cousin have disabilities and they both lead fulfilling lives.
    Yes, I spoke out which, in most people's eyes, makes me brave. I spoke out because people like you make others scared to be honest or to talk about these things, and a lot of people are in pain as a result. I expected the flak I've received and I am strong enough to deal with it. I represent thousands of women who have had to make the toughest decision of our lives, many of whom have thanked me for speaking for them.
    You have not changed my mind. I merely feel sorry that there are so many ignorant, hateful people in the world who use God as a stick to beat other people with.
    I won't be coming back on this forum and won't engage in any more debate with you. There's no point.
    I don't wish any ill on any of you. Because I'm a good person - unlike some of you.

  9. Jo Flemings
    2 years ago

    This is perverse. The only moral option in this circumstance- the only option God permits would have been to allow Him to determine the length and manner of this child, Elodie's, life and death. (We are all going to die, and we are all conceived with imperfection, predominantly original sin. It is a lie from hell to think or say it is somehow merciful to manipulate that which is inevitable.) This woman and her partner participated, perhaps on some level unwittingly, in the murder of their helpless, unborn child and that action I do judge, because IT IS WHAT IT IS and until we reckon with that, we will continue to sugar-coat the poison destroying our souls- the lie that this is somehow a worthy course of action, when it is an impious deception that neither loves nor breathes mercy into anyone or anything. It is completely limited, humanist, utilitarian, and without faith- godless, and criminal.
    Regarding Hillary and her partner, what is right, is for her to see this as it is, from God's perspective, a sin- a tragic misguided act of limited perception and of rebellion. It was a grave error contrary to the good He has intended for her. When that hits home the next step is to repent, and confess and receive absolution. That will involve leaving a life of sexual sin, which means either get married or get chaste. THEN and only then, is it time to humbly ask God for more children, and to accept in hope and reparation whatever His response to such a request might be, with every intention of lining up one's personal situation with His sovereign will.
    And yeah, if you want to, you can stone me for preaching here- I am not a saint, and I understand making really serious mistakes. God forgives and He is merciful, but you have to understand the evil that is being propagated here without any sense of appropriate remorse for the wicked deed in which those above are complicit. I can't read this in good conscience and not make an attempt to clearly state the truth according to God as taught through His Church. When you print this for the world to read and think about, to be formed by and to comment on, it should not surprise you that a hard hitting and pointed response is returned.

  10. Annoyinglittletwerp
    2 years ago

    Hilary:You're wrong. Babies CAN feel pain @ 23 weeks. That baby you so merciless had ripped from your womb felt EVERYTHING. Babies @23 weeks have SURVIVED. You had your baby killed because her short life would've been inconvenient to YOU. You would've killed her had you found out that she had Downs-though Downs people can live VERY productive lives.
    You are a selfish, cold-hearted woman who would've killed any baby that was less than perfect. I'm on the autistic-spectrum(Aspergers Syndrome) and I have no use for those looking for the perfect child. My prayer is that you live a long life...that is void of children. You don't deserve any.

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